As He shapes me into a she I should be And you, a he you should be I'll be waiting here until the day comes Where we'll be crowned husband and wife. We'll build a kingdom A castle of love, teamwork and joy I will be your half And you- mine We share the pain and good times Just like our vow - for better or for worse I'll be your wall, your place to lean on Your buddy in times of loneliness And you'll be my guard, against all danger Nevertheless, I will point you to HIM- Our Creator In every moments, in every memories And you will do the same. Together, we'll build this castle of love,teamwork and joy. Forever together, till death do us part.

Here it is! The new year has come! Well, yeah, I'm blogging when it's like the last week of January! XD LOL! But yeah, the new year is here and erm well honestly, I have no idea at all what this year is going to bring. Because every year, I would concoct something in my head to let me at least envision something that would make me feel excited and like erm make me have a slight picture of what to expect and be ready as well. This year, yeah I'll continue being a teacher and continue what I have learnt last year but honestly apart from that, I don't know what else is coming.

Maybe this year I'll get a car or move into a better house or meet my other half but yeh, these things are major stuff to me and to be able to come close to either one of them is gonna be a life time experience! XD What ever it is, I just want to walk with God, get closer to Him and be more assured in my relationship with Him. Probably get involved more in His Business and share more of His good news to others too. But other than that, I still have NO CLUE.

I'm guessing God has some surprises up His sleeves and I'll just keep the blind fold on and not peek or else it won't be much of a surprise won't it? No peeking!

So here it was that the seven of us would be going to Phils in Dec. Honestly, I was pretty unsure whether our trip would be worth while. But yeah, it was awesome. Refreshing too.

The team that I went with, which honestly I was a little afraid to go off, turned out to become the people who I would love to be with. It was just so wonderful to hang out with all of them. I thought I would just shut up and not make a fool out of myself. But off course, that didn't happened. Instead, I saw them opening up and allowing us into their lives. Allowing us to laugh with them, laugh at them (sometimes). HAHA! XD Which led me to open up as well.It was good. The person who I never thought would show any care was actually the first to express himself. It was just so pleasing to see such a team to make an effort in showing their concerns and love and not be plastic about anything. Hahaha, can't believe I used that term.

The other beautiful thing is that we worked with a team from the land of Phils itself. Language was really almost a barrier at first, but later after that, our relationship towards one another was deeper than any physical road blocks. Language was just a minute problem. We all were so close to each other that by the time it was time to go home, we couldn't bear to go.... We were all so down while waiting at the airport. We became even more upset when we found out that none could really send us off apart from the leader. =(

But overall, it was such a memorable trip. I saw our boys from home change and one had a good training in becoming a man. =D It was hilarious at the same time but amusing too. Hahaha.

I saw us girls learning to accept each other's OCDs and other habits. I saw us girls learning to understand each other's needs.

It was marvelous. I can't find words to say what is inside my heart. It's .........just so............

So here's the thing, it's been a while since I blogged.

The fact is that I like to blog here more than on Tumblr because , it's more private here and no one rarely comes and visit it so yeah.

So the fact that I've started working is different and has made life look way different from that of a student's point. At work, you are bound to work with people who are way older than you. Having different wave lengths and WAY different kind of humour. Gosh, makes me miss being with people at my age...

It can get a little depresssing especially when the people you work with speaks in another language half the time. And it's so irritating when they do that. How I wish they were in my position and know my feelings.

Haha. owh well, God will teach them somehow.

Hmmm the other thing that I want to blog about today is well as usual. What a girl wants in her man.

To me, my imaginary guy would be one who loves children. Simple and yet adorable. Not stubborn. Not egoistical, romantic which means that he knows how to be romantic and also knows exactly how I feel when I go through hard times. He knows how to be sensitive and when I cry, he wouldn't just stand cold but his heart would melt and feel the same sadness just by seeing my sadness and sobs and he would let down his man ego to come close and offer his shoulders and hug me by the side, telling me that it's gonna be okay. Even if he doesn't say it, i'll know just by his actions which is caring,gentle and warm.

My ideal relationship is one which would be fun and not awkward when I go out with friends with him. Not too mushy but more of friend kind of behaviour, but at times when there is a need, we would be sweet to each other. not mushy till friends have to close one eye. We would have the same wavelength and humour, and seriousness towards our beliefs. We would watch out for one another and keep each other in check in our walk with Christ. We would help each other grow and never fail to encourage each other so that the more closer we get to each other, the more intimate we get with God Author of our love.

We would know the boundaries and will not force each other to attempt to compromise our purity. We would love to go everywhere with each other and even if we do have fights, we would take the courage to talk through and forgive one another.We would love watching cartoons with each other, especially Disney cartoons! and we would want to let our children watch all of the past Disney collections which we used to watch during our childhood. He would be older than me, yet he behaves like a child somethimes. Not immature but child like. He wouldn't mind to be playful at times and he enjoys teasing me and loves me just the way I am. He would be beautiful inside and out. He knows what to do when trials and tribulation comes, but sometimes, he needs me to help him decide and he is not afraid to ask advice from someone who is a girl and younger. He'd love to go out for sports, especially on Sundays, trekking is one of his favourite sports and way to keep fit. He would deeply rooted in the word of God and he has the integrity to stand firm and not move especially when it comes to standing in his faith.

He would be much more rooted in Christ than I am, that at times I would look to him to help me seek God, whenever, I fail to see God again. The same thing sometimes when he loses his way.

We would complement each other, we would glorify God together and in all that we do.

We would respect each other's decision and most of the time, the decisions we make would not make the other person worried. We would seek God's ways and repent and obey fully. We would bring each other up in our faith and he would be a great worship leader. Always touching lives whenever he leads worship. He would be one who is humble and loves animals too. He is smart and patient to teach those who are slow in achieving or absorbing. He knows how to work with almost everyone yet, not compromising the laws God has set before men.

Those are just some ideas of the type of guy I would want to be with and yes, I've found some characteristics in one particular guy but God says, He is not the one. So yeah, I know that it's almost impossible to find such a man, but if God does find one like such, I'd be terribly blessed and ever awed at His works. It would almost be a Forever miracle.


Sadly, nowadays the men, that I see around me are nothing near to what I wish to be. They most of the time portray the same profound attitude which I call man ego. Stubborn, refuse to listen to any advice given by someone who is not on the same par with them. Stone cold. Unmercilful at times. Insensitive. Filled with pride and obnoxious, especially around women sometimes.

Therefore, I guess the thought of settling down and finding a man of my dreams, is only - really in my dreams. =)

I will just enjoy the life of singlehood.

I felt like I just consumed invisible poison. Still trying to overcome the reality of a problem. I must say that it's through God's strength that I am able to stay this stable. I can't do it alone.

Lord, please grant this prayer of mine. Only through You that I can over see the famine and look to the green pastures of the future as You have said that the plans You have for us is good and filled with hope.

Lord, I wish that he knows that no matter what happens or who he is, I still am there for him...but this, I can only say it here.

This friend of mine always knows how to explain to me things that I do not know. For example, when it comes to music, my friend would know how to give me the perfect picture in my brain and it makes clear sense to me.

This friend of mine knows my humour and laughs very heartily when I say one. We understand each other's joke.

It's fun being with this friend of mine. I miss this friend of mine. I wish I could say right to my friend's face but it'll just make it awkward.

Every where I go I remember things this friend of mine does, says or act out.

Everything I do, I remember things this friend of mine did in the past.

It's making my life miserable...... I miss this friend of mine so so so much.....

But offcourse, I can't say that to you because you are just a friend of mine......not more not less.....you would only see me in that way and not more.....not less..........


Plus, I am not the type for you.....you are way way up there and I'm way way way down here......you deserve better......You deserve someone better than me....much much much more........

There are times when I just have this sea of emotions.

Call it immature feelings or just being emotional but it's times like these that I can't help but feel on the sensitive side.

I see people tweeting one another and they say things which makes me want to be part of their conversations but I can't because I'm not that close to them, or rather, not close enough. There are times when I can't help but feel alone and unwanted. Perhaps, it's just the lack of physical touch such as hugs or a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek which is what I enjoy getting as my love language is that. Plus it's always been a problem for me to let go of my close friends who are now like part of my family. Especially this year onwards where they have no other choice but to leave the country.

It's painful. My weakness really. However, God has always been faithful. He is slowly taking away what could be awful to go through and replacing it with other good things. One good example is my job. The kids help take my mind off these thoughts....

Truly there are also times when I just wish I am creative and get the chance to express all that's within me in the form of art or even music, I just need something to release all the bottled up thoughts and emotions which when not emptied leaves me with times like these.

Probably by now, if you have been reading this far, you'd probably think that my post had no certain topic or one focused discussion but things are everywhere and anywhere. Well, that's just me. I haven't learnt the skill of putting writing in order. I just love it messy. But it leaves me frustrated as well. More so, if you are a psychologist,you'd probably come to a point of agreement that I'm very indecisive and I don't have a certain direction to go to. I have a scattered brain.

Thinking too much is not good. Because when I do that,I end up falling apart and sort of lose my tracks in life. That's why worrying can be poisonous. In case you haven't noticed, thinking too much IS worrying.