That is a quote from Twelfth Night, it goes like this, " O time! Thou hast to untangle this, not I; it is too hard for me to untie!"

I so agree to this quote, what ever the situation I'm stuck in, only time can untangle it, why with God's help off course. Here's the thing, I have issues with myself, I tend to take heed of what the devil says I'm not good at. I most certainly know that I'm not a quick leaner and most certainly not smart in terms of intellectual thinking. And worse thing of all is that I don't have that confidence to help me stand up in this muddy platform. So what ever bad that comes to me, I just can't help but be defeated.

I know it's a mad mad world out there, but it just hurts my heart when you shove reality in my face. It hurts when you just tell me off the things that you think is right. It hurts when you just make me swallow what I spat out in words, making me think what I said is useless and rubbish... It hurts even more when you don't even want to explain to me what you really mean coz deep down in my heart, I really wanna know you. I really want to have conversations with you that is about what you think, what has been bothering you and what you really want in life, your values... so who cares what I think, who cares what I feel, just lash out...... Coz all I want from you is you.

Sometimes I myself don't understand why I'm like this, I don't understand why I feel like this and why I think this way. And it is for that reason that I start to think that I'm probably insane.... I hope I'm not.

Life is so complicated on it's own and so disturbing when the human mind and body works.... I wish I could be literally creative and like have a big bank of words that could express my inner thoughts.......

I'm weird, I know I am and I know I am not that smart, but I can't deny I'm not human. Thus I'm not one of the people who are exempted to make mistakes and fall into pots and pits and quicksand....I find people's words sometimes rather painful and poisonous to hear and it is very disturbing to the brain and does no form of healing the hurt.....

I just want to go back to my maker sometimes and just wish that it wouldn't be complicated like how it is right now......
"
I don't like the fact that I'm always starting each paragraph with 'I'..... it's too selfish sounding......

I'm tired and sleepy and need to go sleep now so goodbye.

So .... we know that results are out and ummmm well for now I just know it's BBDD...not sure what they are specifically coz my friend just messaged me right on.
Honeslty, I thank God for it. I'm satisfied. Just this morning, in Church, I received good news about this new career that has got to do with children.=) I'm all out for it. I think that it's really what I want and I really hope and pray that I will really get this job. I really praise God for HIs perfect timing because I've been wondering what am I supposed to do with the fact that I'm a foreinger whose pocket is full of butterflies instead of "Kaching"!

Just for the record, the results came out yesterday which was on the 6th of Feb on a Saturday 2010.

anyhoo....about life....it's been an emotional week. I am experiencing the urge to follow my heart's desire and at the same time trying hard to stop myself from allowing myself to get hurt or to try anything that would hurt me...it's depressing and it's tough...I just wish I could voice out every minute thought inside of me and like throw them into this imaginary rubbish bin just like the computer program to throw away unwanted files. It's hard. I wish I could just find my other half soon and really flush all this to him....but off course God gets the dibs about all my inner probs la....hehehe.....=)

I'm really thankful for His faithfulness to me and for really still working in me...I pray that things will go better.

I love You Lord. Thank You again. =D