I'm practically visiting around the famous sites which help you stay connected to everybody almost everytime...but you know what? It's useless to go there when no one's updating.

Moreover,the chances of them seeing you on these famous sites like Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr still can't break the gap that we have in most people who we know but we know we are not that close to. =(

So here's the reason why I don't wanna fall for another guy.

I just don't want to go into another time machine and do the same thing and get the same result all over again. It's stupid to like someone and then not get his love in return because 'you are not his/her type' and then evolve into this person who can only live on his actions which girls tend to maximize and try their best to make out what he meant by this or by what he did. It's stupid. You literally become a vampire who sucks on his everyday actions and before you know it, he belongs to someone else.

I just hate that constant emotional breakdown when you see him or meet him and just can't help but plead to God that this guy would be the one and then you get this answer- NO.

I hate the times when you can only help to soften the pain just a little by looking at him and talking to him. Yet after he goes away with no interest to care about how you feel,you breakdown again. Your mind keeps telling you that you can only love him from a far, you can look at him as much as you want now but you can't have him.

Yea that's the worst part, it's like a lil child staring into a toy shop and longing for this one particular thing but know that she can't have it because her dad says - NO.

Not that I'm angry with God, it's just that I facing that time of desperation when you begin to panic due to your increasing age in so little time. I begin to wonder if I will ever find him when all this while I have never had a boyfriend. It bothers me at times that I am so unatractive and boring to guys (NOT their type) which makes me feel so inadequate and locks up that lively and interesting person that I can be. Exactly like a Security system to make sure no one steals nothing.

On the other hand, I'm glad that I'm able to save myself for this one guy who I will one day call 'husband'.

It's funny when you don't have a clue on how to be a girlfriend and you just can't help wonder what do you do when you are not 'single' anymore.Literally I mean, I seriously don't know what do real couples do. To me, I just want to bring him shopping and hang out with my friends and just bond with him and talk to him about my life and his. The fears and the events that crack me up all this years when he wasn't around. I will literally tell him everything. No secrets. I pray that he will be really honest with me too because I believe that honesty keeps your relationship clean, when you're honest you know you can trust him/her more. You know why? Because he/she is making herself vulnerable for you to hurt him/her, so if he/she tells you her secrets, you both have the equal chance to get hurt by either one. Which is very unlikely because you don't want him/her to spill your secrets too. Unless he knows you are the type who will not hurt even a fly.

But yeah,it's a torure to be in this situation. Feeling crappy and at the same time hating the mud you're in. Worse yet, you're the only one who likes him.Fantasy much?

Sigh.

Then there's this thing with God, it's funny how my real dad on earth doesn't know what is going on with me in my love life. My heavenly Father up above is keeping me in check and making sure I don't slip up anywhere. There were a few times where I saw Him work when I was head over heels for this guy,and I tried to get to know him through friends and msn. It was so hard to meet up with him! It's like I know he's trying his best to make us happen but we just kept running into obsticles on the way. Internet connection bad la. He had to send his mum la.I arrived too late la. But clearly, I knew that God was telling me he's not the right guy.More to say, he's trouble. That word kept flashing in my head like some alarm at that time.

But it's good in a way, I know for now that God will show me the one when it's time. I also know that this will only happen (maybe la) when I can learn to love him second and God -FIRST. That's another problem I have to figure out because my attitude of loving is that when I love,I love to the fullest. And in the end, I shove God aside but that was because I didn't know it was that easy to do that. That's why I really want a guy who puts God first, I want him to direct me in the right way to God and to LOVE GOD more! I need him to teach me so many things that God can use him as a tool to unravel so many questions that I have been longing to get an answer from.

For now, after that big hick up with God over this recent dude, I can say proudly that I love GOD MORE and wouldn't shove Him aside that easily. Nuh uh! I learnt to clarify this- that no matter what, I love God and I'm willing to let this dude out of my life for Him.After all that He's done for me, how can I? He's more than this 'crush' who doesn't even know that I like him so what's the use of losing such a beautiful God over a promised heartache. I would rather throw him out of my life than to lose the one thing that is PERFECT- Jesus Christ!

I don't know how to end this as I can go on and on and on....but I know it's enough for now...my head's getting tired of thinking what words to say and put in best to bring out the correct image that I have in my head...I just want to let this thought out that has been in my head ever since I don't know when...glad that I could put it words today because I always have trouble doing that other days.....

This is it for now.

Yes Lord I love You!
You and You alone!

Thank you for giving me another chance.

It's the first day of Raya and guess what! I'm not celebrating it with visitations to my friends house,instead I went to this Scripture Union training from 9 am to 6pm...we just finished and I want to tell everybody that it was really GOOD! I learnt all sorts of things and got really inspired. This training changed some of my perceptions of working with children...I can say this for sure that when i come back to KOOL, it's not going to be the same anymore because I feel like I'm more equipped this time. Many more creative ideas and many more new songs coming our way to help children in our midst to learn to really get planted into God's love. I know now that KOOL is going to help the children there when they grow up as they will know how to make potential and better decisions in the future and bring in more children. Apart from that I realized as well the power that children have in them should not be underestimated as they have the same ability to heal and chnage lives around them. Overall, I'm really glad that I came to this training despite the clash in the Raya event and yea I feel really inspired and can't wait to be a mum!!! =D By the way here's a really wonderful vid of a lil girl named Zoe that they showed to us ...SO CUTE!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!! keeps making me go GOO GOO over her!!!

click here to see how wonderful it is.....

and just incase you want to see another one click here

Yes it's 30 more days to the start of my ultimate horror and that is a date with Mr.Al Evel from the 12 Oct till 19th Nov! I hope we turn out fine. I need to nail this one because there's so many people counting and believing in me. I can't afford to lose this.

So pray for me people and see you all after the nightmare is over! X)

My eyes really hurt right now and yesterday I had a 15 min moment of shivering hands....I hope it's nothing but yea right now I'm feeling ok. Just the nervousness and suspense is killing me. Did you know that the fear of waiting for the exam to come is worse than the fear when you're actually taking it???

Owh wells, i think that's it for now. I might blog again when I feel like it soon like maybe after postisting this. =)