Suddenly I see

2012!!!!!

2012-01-23T22:08:00.001-08:00

Here it is! The new year has come! Well, yeah, I'm blogging when it's like the last week of January! XD LOL! But yeah, the new year is here and erm well honestly, I have no idea at all what this year is going to bring. Because every year, I would concoct something in my head to let me at least envision something that would make me feel excited and like erm make me have a slight picture of what to expect and be ready as well. This year, yeah I'll continue being a teacher and continue what I have learnt last year but honestly apart from that, I don't know what else is coming.

Maybe this year I'll get a car or move into a better house or meet my other half but yeh, these things are major stuff to me and to be able to come close to either one of them is gonna be a life time experience! XD What ever it is, I just want to walk with God, get closer to Him and be more assured in my relationship with Him. Probably get involved more in His Business and share more of His good news to others too. But other than that, I still have NO CLUE.

I'm guessing God has some surprises up His sleeves and I'll just keep the blind fold on and not peek or else it won't be much of a surprise won't it?

Hehe.

No peeking!

Phils Trip

2011-12-10T06:18:00.000-08:00

So here it was that the seven of us would be going to Phils in Dec. Honestly, I was pretty unsure whether our trip would be worth while. But yeah, it was awesome. Refreshing too.

The team that I went with, which honestly I was a little afraid to go off, turned out to become the people who I would love to be with. It was just so wonderful to hang out with all of them. I thought I would just shut up and not make a fool out of myself. But off course, that didn't happened. Instead, I saw them opening up and allowing us into their lives. Allowing us to laugh with them, laugh at them (sometimes). HAHA! XD Which led me to open up as well.It was good. The person who I never thought would show any care was actually the first to express himself. It was just so pleasing to see such a team to make an effort in showing their concerns and love and not be plastic about anything. Hahaha, can't believe I used that term.

The other beautiful thing is that we worked with a team from the land of Phils itself. Language was really almost a barrier at first, but later after that, our relationship towards one another was deeper than any physical road blocks. Language was just a minute problem. We all were so close to each other that by the time it was time to go home, we couldn't bear to go.... We were all so down while waiting at the airport. We became even more upset when we found out that none could really send us off apart from the leader. =(

But overall, it was such a memorable trip. I saw our boys from home change and one had a good training in becoming a man. =D It was hilarious at the same time but amusing too. Hahaha.

I saw us girls learning to accept each other's OCDs and other habits. I saw us girls learning to understand each other's needs.

It was marvelous. I can't find words to say what is inside my heart. It's .........just so............

So here's the thing...

2011-09-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing, it's been a while since I blogged.

The fact is that I like to blog here more than on Tumblr because , it's more private here and no one rarely comes and visit it so yeah.

So the fact that I've started working is different and has made life look way different from that of a student's point. At work, you are bound to work with people who are way older than you. Having different wave lengths and WAY different kind of humour. Gosh, makes me miss being with people at my age...

It can get a little depresssing especially when the people you work with speaks in another language half the time. And it's so irritating when they do that. How I wish they were in my position and know my feelings.

Haha. owh well, God will teach them somehow.

Hmmm the other thing that I want to blog about today is well as usual. What a girl wants in her man.

To me, my imaginary guy would be one who loves children. Simple and yet adorable. Not stubborn. Not egoistical, romantic which means that he knows how to be romantic and also knows exactly how I feel when I go through hard times. He knows how to be sensitive and when I cry, he wouldn't just stand cold but his heart would melt and feel the same sadness just by seeing my sadness and sobs and he would let down his man ego to come close and offer his shoulders and hug me by the side, telling me that it's gonna be okay. Even if he doesn't say it, i'll know just by his actions which is caring,gentle and warm.

My ideal relationship is one which would be fun and not awkward when I go out with friends with him. Not too mushy but more of friend kind of behaviour, but at times when there is a need, we would be sweet to each other. not mushy till friends have to close one eye. We would have the same wavelength and humour, and seriousness towards our beliefs. We would watch out for one another and keep each other in check in our walk with Christ. We would help each other grow and never fail to encourage each other so that the more closer we get to each other, the more intimate we get with God Author of our love.

We would know the boundaries and will not force each other to attempt to compromise our purity. We would love to go everywhere with each other and even if we do have fights, we would take the courage to talk through and forgive one another.We would love watching cartoons with each other, especially Disney cartoons! and we would want to let our children watch all of the past Disney collections which we used to watch during our childhood. He would be older than me, yet he behaves like a child somethimes. Not immature but child like. He wouldn't mind to be playful at times and he enjoys teasing me and loves me just the way I am. He would be beautiful inside and out. He knows what to do when trials and tribulation comes, but sometimes, he needs me to help him decide and he is not afraid to ask advice from someone who is a girl and younger. He'd love to go out for sports, especially on Sundays, trekking is one of his favourite sports and way to keep fit. He would deeply rooted in the word of God and he has the integrity to stand firm and not move especially when it comes to standing in his faith.

He would be much more rooted in Christ than I am, that at times I would look to him to help me seek God, whenever, I fail to see God again. The same thing sometimes when he loses his way.

We would complement each other, we would glorify God together and in all that we do.

We would respect each other's decision and most of the time, the decisions we make would not make the other person worried. We would seek God's ways and repent and obey fully. We would bring each other up in our faith and he would be a great worship leader. Always touching lives whenever he leads worship. He would be one who is humble and loves animals too. He is smart and patient to teach those who are slow in achieving or absorbing. He knows how to work with almost everyone yet, not compromising the laws God has set before men.

Those are just some ideas of the type of guy I would want to be with and yes, I've found some characteristics in one particular guy but God says, He is not the one. So yeah, I know that it's almost impossible to find such a man, but if God does find one like such, I'd be terribly blessed and ever awed at His works. It would almost be a Forever miracle.

Sadly, nowadays the men, that I see around me are nothing near to what I wish to be. They most of the time portray the same profound attitude which I call man ego. Stubborn, refuse to listen to any advice given by someone who is not on the same par with them. Stone cold. Unmercilful at times. Insensitive. Filled with pride and obnoxious, especially around women sometimes.

Therefore, I guess the thought of settling down and finding a man of my dreams, is only - really in my dreams. =)

I will just enjoy the life of singlehood.

2011-08-08T03:17:00.000-07:00

I felt like I just consumed invisible poison. Still trying to overcome the reality of a problem. I must say that it's through God's strength that I am able to stay this stable. I can't do it alone.

Lord, please grant this prayer of mine. Only through You that I can over see the famine and look to the green pastures of the future as You have said that the plans You have for us is good and filled with hope.

Lord, I wish that he knows that no matter what happens or who he is, I still am there for him...but this, I can only say it here.

This friend of mine...

2011-07-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

This friend of mine always knows how to explain to me things that I do not know. For example, when it comes to music, my friend would know how to give me the perfect picture in my brain and it makes clear sense to me.

This friend of mine knows my humour and laughs very heartily when I say one. We understand each other's joke.

It's fun being with this friend of mine. I miss this friend of mine. I wish I could say right to my friend's face but it'll just make it awkward.

Every where I go I remember things this friend of mine does, says or act out.

Everything I do, I remember things this friend of mine did in the past.

It's making my life miserable...... I miss this friend of mine so so so much.....

But offcourse, I can't say that to you because you are just a friend of mine......not more not less.....you would only see me in that way and not more.....not less..........

Plus, I am not the type for you.....you are way way up there and I'm way way way down here......you deserve better......You deserve someone better than me....much much much more........

Sea of emotions...

2011-05-09T02:46:00.000-07:00

There are times when I just have this sea of emotions.

Call it immature feelings or just being emotional but it's times like these that I can't help but feel on the sensitive side.

I see people tweeting one another and they say things which makes me want to be part of their conversations but I can't because I'm not that close to them, or rather, not close enough. There are times when I can't help but feel alone and unwanted. Perhaps, it's just the lack of physical touch such as hugs or a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek which is what I enjoy getting as my love language is that. Plus it's always been a problem for me to let go of my close friends who are now like part of my family. Especially this year onwards where they have no other choice but to leave the country.

It's painful. My weakness really. However, God has always been faithful. He is slowly taking away what could be awful to go through and replacing it with other good things. One good example is my job. The kids help take my mind off these thoughts....

Truly there are also times when I just wish I am creative and get the chance to express all that's within me in the form of art or even music, I just need something to release all the bottled up thoughts and emotions which when not emptied leaves me with times like these.

Probably by now, if you have been reading this far, you'd probably think that my post had no certain topic or one focused discussion but things are everywhere and anywhere. Well, that's just me. I haven't learnt the skill of putting writing in order. I just love it messy. But it leaves me frustrated as well. More so, if you are a psychologist,you'd probably come to a point of agreement that I'm very indecisive and I don't have a certain direction to go to. I have a scattered brain.

Thinking too much is not good. Because when I do that,I end up falling apart and sort of lose my tracks in life. That's why worrying can be poisonous. In case you haven't noticed, thinking too much IS worrying.

It Hurts....

2011-02-17T15:40:00.002-08:00

Lord,

It hurts to remember the past. The time when we use to come together and prepare for mission trip.The songs that play by chance gives me so much pain within. I just can't help but prevent tears from falling down my eyes. Lord, I miss those times when we girls could just relax together and there is nothing in the world that could bother us.

Now,( especially this year), they are leaving. Our guy buddy too has left. He used to be the one that comforts us girls. I miss that. I miss the love from a brother who knows how to let you know he cares for you. Lord, I miss this so much. Help me move on.

I can't help but be moved by every image that passes by me- times when we as a team would spend together. It's precious for me. Please bring us back together again. That we could spend good times again.....

Lord, You know that my greatest fear is being alone. Having no one to talk to as a companion, something only girls could fill in that void.

Lord, You know how much they mean to me.You know how much they have impacted my life.

I pray that they would not forget the times we had together and that after they have graduated, they would not forget our friendship...

All this I pray in Jesus name.
Amen.

It Hurts....

2011-02-17T15:40:00.001-08:00

If only you knew...

2010-07-14T02:46:00.000-07:00

If my emotions could be spelled out, they would make you smile

If you know how much there is that I want to tell you, you will certainly cry.

If only,you know how much I love you.....

If you were a musical note, I want to be the same note as you...

If only you knew how similar we are.
If only you knew that before I want to say anything,you have already...
Half the things I want to say is the same answer as yours...

I'M BACK!

2010-06-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

LOL, yeah after like how many months of MIA on this blog. I finally came back to say that I'm gonna blog right now. Well, life has been up the highway ever since I started working. There's a huge tangle of emotions with family, friends and even my faith in my Saviour. It's like everything is beginning to look so much different in my eyes. I don't think the way I used to, well, not much la. I don't react the way I used to. I don't laugh as much as I used to. I just can't help but be different from the way I used to be. Maybe people don't see it, but I do. Coz it's me.

I don't know whether I'm maturing or it's just the surrounding I'm in at work which makes me this way, but yeah, things have changed. I don't intend to go back to the way I used to be. I guess, this person that I have become right now is the more improved version than the last. Then again, I will miss the times when I can just laugh at anything and not worry too much about everything that happens around me.

To add up more about life so far, I actually miss studying. Perhaps above all, studying the English Language and also the Infamous Study of Literature. I miss that a lot especially these days. What with realizing all the mistakes I make in my conversation and also in my writing makes me want to improve my vocab and grammar. Because of this, I suddenly had the urge to start reading again. Maybe I'll try to get something of the shelf one of these days after pay day.... =)

Gosh, I've never had so much of things to say on my blog really. This is the first time that I can really express what I really want to say. Getting the right time and words is crucial if you really want to express all the cobwebs that you've compiled in you...

I guess it's because I haven't been writing out and just kept them bottled in...

I have a job!

2010-04-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Heheheh...yes...well actually it's an attachment at a law firm and yeah I really am excited and happy and feel really blessed for this to happen. I hope things turn out real well and that I manage to learn alot from it..... =)

I'll be starting this Monday and umm really will be looking forward to it hehehe......

Owh by the way, here is a really cool video of a Taiwanese Guy who literally sing Whitney Houston really well!!!!

Enjoy...

WATCH

2010

2010-03-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

It's almost 3 months since the last day of 2009. Life hasn't stopped on me but there were times when I felt like it was on hold and I can't help but wonder where did I go wrong. Which junction did I missed? That I'm subjected to end up in feeling like this.

It's been busy, it's been packed. But I like it. =) Keeps me from feeling that awful feeling which humans usually call it as BOREDOM! My worst enemy, my fiend! It can lead a person into a state of insanity.

Now I'm blogging in Michelle's house, on her bed who's getting ready for tomorrow. It's Youth camp 2010. SOLID ROCK. And yes.... I'm tired, excited and sick.... recovering.

I don't miss school, but I miss hanging out in school with my friends.

Where do I stand?

2010-03-03T20:21:00.000-08:00

Of all these years growing up, I've always wondered when will I ever grow up to be like those people older than me. From the early age which is like around 4 years old, I have been facinated by other people around me. My parents, my lil bro and my friends. I can't help but be really focused on their behaviour, how they handle situations (both tough and simple)and at the same time how they react to it. From there, I would take in and try to be like them.

Now it's like almost 20 years living this life and still having that attitude of observing and it feels like there's not much improvement and developement since then. I still look at others and compare my standards with them. I guess it's something that I've brought with me in the process of growing up. Well off course I know I'm "growing up" but what worries me is that I still don't really see much changes. I still feel that I am lacking alot and like I've been missing a whole lot of things as I was adding in the years of my life.

Even if I did miss out, I hope to catch up with the rest and like really live life.

Another problem with myself is that I tend to have the difficulty to speak out what I want to say. I try to watch my words and in the end it comes out totally different and nothing related.

Plus when I speak to my leaders in our youth group, I find it hard to think and to engage in a normal and interesting conversation. It somehow ends with the impression that I'm boring. I mean, that's what I think though not the leaders.

And yeah, I know that I sound kinda pathetic and really pessimistic and over judging, it's just that I have it in me and it bothers me. Mostly the thoughts that swarm in my mind are basically negative. But it's not everytime that I have this, I have my ups and my downs, sometimes high too. There are times when I wonder why do I even thought of such things. There are times when I think the reason why I'm so slow and so blurr and so dumb is because of my brain. Maybe somewhere along the line, I'm almost a delayed child. I don't know. I really hope not.

So the real matter right now is where do I stand? Where have I gone to and how far have I moved? I think it's not much. That bothers me, it makes me so frustrated at times, to know that I'm not the same level with everyone else and like everyone else, I want to achieve something and be somebody. Heh, kinda shows how immature my thoughts are.... bleh.....all this stupid thoughts....

O time! Thou hast to untangle this ,not I.....

2010-02-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

That is a quote from Twelfth Night, it goes like this, " O time! Thou hast to untangle this, not I; it is too hard for me to untie!"

I so agree to this quote, what ever the situation I'm stuck in, only time can untangle it, why with God's help off course. Here's the thing, I have issues with myself, I tend to take heed of what the devil says I'm not good at. I most certainly know that I'm not a quick leaner and most certainly not smart in terms of intellectual thinking. And worse thing of all is that I don't have that confidence to help me stand up in this muddy platform. So what ever bad that comes to me, I just can't help but be defeated.

I know it's a mad mad world out there, but it just hurts my heart when you shove reality in my face. It hurts when you just tell me off the things that you think is right. It hurts when you just make me swallow what I spat out in words, making me think what I said is useless and rubbish... It hurts even more when you don't even want to explain to me what you really mean coz deep down in my heart, I really wanna know you. I really want to have conversations with you that is about what you think, what has been bothering you and what you really want in life, your values... so who cares what I think, who cares what I feel, just lash out...... Coz all I want from you is you.

Sometimes I myself don't understand why I'm like this, I don't understand why I feel like this and why I think this way. And it is for that reason that I start to think that I'm probably insane.... I hope I'm not.

Life is so complicated on it's own and so disturbing when the human mind and body works.... I wish I could be literally creative and like have a big bank of words that could express my inner thoughts.......

I'm weird, I know I am and I know I am not that smart, but I can't deny I'm not human. Thus I'm not one of the people who are exempted to make mistakes and fall into pots and pits and quicksand....I find people's words sometimes rather painful and poisonous to hear and it is very disturbing to the brain and does no form of healing the hurt.....

I just want to go back to my maker sometimes and just wish that it wouldn't be complicated like how it is right now......
"
I don't like the fact that I'm always starting each paragraph with 'I'..... it's too selfish sounding......

I'm tired and sleepy and need to go sleep now so goodbye.

Results are out.....

2010-02-07T05:03:00.000-08:00

So .... we know that results are out and ummmm well for now I just know it's BBDD...not sure what they are specifically coz my friend just messaged me right on.
Honeslty, I thank God for it. I'm satisfied. Just this morning, in Church, I received good news about this new career that has got to do with children.=) I'm all out for it. I think that it's really what I want and I really hope and pray that I will really get this job. I really praise God for HIs perfect timing because I've been wondering what am I supposed to do with the fact that I'm a foreinger whose pocket is full of butterflies instead of "Kaching"!

Just for the record, the results came out yesterday which was on the 6th of Feb on a Saturday 2010.

anyhoo....about life....it's been an emotional week. I am experiencing the urge to follow my heart's desire and at the same time trying hard to stop myself from allowing myself to get hurt or to try anything that would hurt me...it's depressing and it's tough...I just wish I could voice out every minute thought inside of me and like throw them into this imaginary rubbish bin just like the computer program to throw away unwanted files. It's hard. I wish I could just find my other half soon and really flush all this to him....but off course God gets the dibs about all my inner probs la....hehehe.....=)

I'm really thankful for His faithfulness to me and for really still working in me...I pray that things will go better.

I love You Lord. Thank You again. =D

2010

2010-01-13T23:22:00.000-08:00

Ok....basically..there's alot that I haven't been posting up here as I do not have internet at home and it takes alot of time and thinking to compose a nice post you know?

So lets catch up on what happened after exams yea?

1. things were just normal in November....I could finally sleep over at the Tans place,the Josephs and the Shies! XD YAY for ME!!! hehe....

2. On the 1st of Dec till the 11th, I went to YLS....which was AWESOME!!!!!!!! I'll tell you more about it later..maybe next time..... XD

3. Chrismas in KUCHING!!!!! Met up with my cuzzies and aunts and uncs!!!!! KUNGKUNG TOO!!!!! This was from the 22nd to the 30th..... long long drive!!! I really enjoyed it XD

4. NEW YEAR AT HOME IN BELOVED BRUNEI!!!!!!! XDDDD Hehehehee.....

Now lets get down to the details.....I think I'll spend more words about YLS...

Well YLS has been a real blessing to me. It really revealed to me that this was where God wanted me to go. For those of you who don't know what it stands for, it means Youth Leaders School. =)

Yeah, umm YLS really taught me alot of leadership values and ideas and tips and other sorts of stuff. It was where I discovered my strenghts and my weaknesses. It provided me good training ground and also taught me what's been going on in other Churches. =D YLS opened my eyes to the importance of YDM's vision and mission, like what do we want and what do we need to improve in our PYF. It was 11 days of blessings and it was really great to get to know the other 11 coz they were really like a piece of me in every way. I miss them and really hope to see them this year in One Voice. I pray that all of them will come and yeah...really walk closer to God.

Enough about that,now about this new year. To tell you the truth, it doesn't feel like the year has started, it feels like its 2009 extended and 2010is slowly entering itself. I guess it's because I'm not going to school anymore so you don't have to like write the dates over and over again when you start the notes.Haha.

Anyhoots, I can't wait for all the up coming events and all the changes that we are all about to go through as there are going to be many chnages and alterations and stuff.....All this to me sounds like a loadful stuff to swallow and pretty scary coz I'm not sure if I'm ready....people leaving and maybe I'm one of them...praying hard that i won't coz I feel that I really have some mission to do here you know....

Really I pray that I stay and like really work and live here...but it's all in God's hands....I hope it's His plan as well.......

Anyhoots,gotta go now and post another different post....

IT"S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! XDDDDDD THANK YOU CAROL!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-19T20:30:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU CAROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN"T EXPRESS THIS PERFECT JOY OVER MY BLOG THAT I THOUGHT WAS LOST!!!!! XDDDD *HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha!!! I was like really upset that my blog skin was changed so badly by some different skin because of my idiotic decision to see who was the new follower! Hahahaha then Carol offered to help change it to a better one and yeah while she was doing that, there was this option that said "Revert to classic template" and she was like "Wait!" and click on the preview button and VOALA!!!!!!! IT"S BACK!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU CAROL!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU LOADS!!!!! XD

HEHEHE, I so humungously HAPPY!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man just recovering from major exam, damage is like 98% can't even think clearly and require time to process each thought. X( But yeah, now I 'm so free!!!!!! So happy!!!!!!! GILa I so wanna like HUG SOMEBODY NOW!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! EMO!!!!!

Right, life is now on official MOVE!!!! But yeah, got to take it slow and steady! =D

Hopefully things go well and I can get a job here and really really start growing in the community. Helping out and other stuff. Plus building my personal self inside and out! Hehehehe.

OWH I JUST LOVWE THIS PIC!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE

Hehehe...the two latest Top Models of Brunei!!! XDDD

2009-10-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

My blog is currently under major hold. This is because of my idiotic decision to see who was that "1 new follower" which popped out in my phone. Ugh don't want to talk about it. Everything in my precious is like GONE! so ANGRY!!!!!!! SIGH!!!!!! I guess I will try and fix everything after exams are over....

To all my friends...I apologise for my idiocy.....

T_T

STUPID - I know......

2009-09-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

I'm practically visiting around the famous sites which help you stay connected to everybody almost everytime...but you know what? It's useless to go there when no one's updating.

Moreover,the chances of them seeing you on these famous sites like Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr still can't break the gap that we have in most people who we know but we know we are not that close to. =(

So here's the reason why I don't wanna fall for another guy.

I just don't want to go into another time machine and do the same thing and get the same result all over again. It's stupid to like someone and then not get his love in return because 'you are not his/her type' and then evolve into this person who can only live on his actions which girls tend to maximize and try their best to make out what he meant by this or by what he did. It's stupid. You literally become a vampire who sucks on his everyday actions and before you know it, he belongs to someone else.

I just hate that constant emotional breakdown when you see him or meet him and just can't help but plead to God that this guy would be the one and then you get this answer- NO.

I hate the times when you can only help to soften the pain just a little by looking at him and talking to him. Yet after he goes away with no interest to care about how you feel,you breakdown again. Your mind keeps telling you that you can only love him from a far, you can look at him as much as you want now but you can't have him.

Yea that's the worst part, it's like a lil child staring into a toy shop and longing for this one particular thing but know that she can't have it because her dad says - NO.

Not that I'm angry with God, it's just that I facing that time of desperation when you begin to panic due to your increasing age in so little time. I begin to wonder if I will ever find him when all this while I have never had a boyfriend. It bothers me at times that I am so unatractive and boring to guys (NOT their type) which makes me feel so inadequate and locks up that lively and interesting person that I can be. Exactly like a Security system to make sure no one steals nothing.

On the other hand, I'm glad that I'm able to save myself for this one guy who I will one day call 'husband'.

It's funny when you don't have a clue on how to be a girlfriend and you just can't help wonder what do you do when you are not 'single' anymore.Literally I mean, I seriously don't know what do real couples do. To me, I just want to bring him shopping and hang out with my friends and just bond with him and talk to him about my life and his. The fears and the events that crack me up all this years when he wasn't around. I will literally tell him everything. No secrets. I pray that he will be really honest with me too because I believe that honesty keeps your relationship clean, when you're honest you know you can trust him/her more. You know why? Because he/she is making herself vulnerable for you to hurt him/her, so if he/she tells you her secrets, you both have the equal chance to get hurt by either one. Which is very unlikely because you don't want him/her to spill your secrets too. Unless he knows you are the type who will not hurt even a fly.

But yeah,it's a torure to be in this situation. Feeling crappy and at the same time hating the mud you're in. Worse yet, you're the only one who likes him.Fantasy much?

Sigh.

Then there's this thing with God, it's funny how my real dad on earth doesn't know what is going on with me in my love life. My heavenly Father up above is keeping me in check and making sure I don't slip up anywhere. There were a few times where I saw Him work when I was head over heels for this guy,and I tried to get to know him through friends and msn. It was so hard to meet up with him! It's like I know he's trying his best to make us happen but we just kept running into obsticles on the way. Internet connection bad la. He had to send his mum la.I arrived too late la. But clearly, I knew that God was telling me he's not the right guy.More to say, he's trouble. That word kept flashing in my head like some alarm at that time.

But it's good in a way, I know for now that God will show me the one when it's time. I also know that this will only happen (maybe la) when I can learn to love him second and God -FIRST. That's another problem I have to figure out because my attitude of loving is that when I love,I love to the fullest. And in the end, I shove God aside but that was because I didn't know it was that easy to do that. That's why I really want a guy who puts God first, I want him to direct me in the right way to God and to LOVE GOD more! I need him to teach me so many things that God can use him as a tool to unravel so many questions that I have been longing to get an answer from.

For now, after that big hick up with God over this recent dude, I can say proudly that I love GOD MORE and wouldn't shove Him aside that easily. Nuh uh! I learnt to clarify this- that no matter what, I love God and I'm willing to let this dude out of my life for Him.After all that He's done for me, how can I? He's more than this 'crush' who doesn't even know that I like him so what's the use of losing such a beautiful God over a promised heartache. I would rather throw him out of my life than to lose the one thing that is PERFECT- Jesus Christ!

I don't know how to end this as I can go on and on and on....but I know it's enough for now...my head's getting tired of thinking what words to say and put in best to bring out the correct image that I have in my head...I just want to let this thought out that has been in my head ever since I don't know when...glad that I could put it words today because I always have trouble doing that other days.....

This is it for now.

Yes Lord I love You!
You and You alone!

Thank you for giving me another chance.

Raya's here!!!!!!!!

2009-09-21T03:34:00.000-07:00

It's the first day of Raya and guess what! I'm not celebrating it with visitations to my friends house,instead I went to this Scripture Union training from 9 am to 6pm...we just finished and I want to tell everybody that it was really GOOD! I learnt all sorts of things and got really inspired. This training changed some of my perceptions of working with children...I can say this for sure that when i come back to KOOL, it's not going to be the same anymore because I feel like I'm more equipped this time. Many more creative ideas and many more new songs coming our way to help children in our midst to learn to really get planted into God's love. I know now that KOOL is going to help the children there when they grow up as they will know how to make potential and better decisions in the future and bring in more children. Apart from that I realized as well the power that children have in them should not be underestimated as they have the same ability to heal and chnage lives around them. Overall, I'm really glad that I came to this training despite the clash in the Raya event and yea I feel really inspired and can't wait to be a mum!!! =D By the way here's a really wonderful vid of a lil girl named Zoe that they showed to us ...SO CUTE!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!! keeps making me go GOO GOO over her!!!

click here to see how wonderful it is.....

and just incase you want to see another one click here

30 days

2009-09-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

Yes it's 30 more days to the start of my ultimate horror and that is a date with Mr.Al Evel from the 12 Oct till 19th Nov! I hope we turn out fine. I need to nail this one because there's so many people counting and believing in me. I can't afford to lose this.

So pray for me people and see you all after the nightmare is over! X)

My eyes really hurt right now and yesterday I had a 15 min moment of shivering hands....I hope it's nothing but yea right now I'm feeling ok. Just the nervousness and suspense is killing me. Did you know that the fear of waiting for the exam to come is worse than the fear when you're actually taking it???

Owh wells, i think that's it for now. I might blog again when I feel like it soon like maybe after postisting this. =)

Yes! Finally 19.....

2009-08-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

Well i know this is a little late to post something about my birthday but I really want to say something about it.

First of all, this is the last teen year I'll ever have. Although I didn't really celebrate it, but I will remember this year all of my days. The fact that it's the last year that I will still be called a teen makes me feel really nervous. I guess it's beacause I started getting comments about being an adult and carrying out duties and responsibilities which I might not be able to enjoy doing it.....

Plus, it's the last year for me before I start going out into the world of work. Although I have no idea what the future holds for me or what God has planned for me, I still want to cherish this last year of freedom from work. I've heard alot of comments about work, that it's hard and it takes the leisure time out of you (busy)...

On the other hand, I feel glad that next year I will be able to find a job and finally be able to go out shopping for those dresses and shoes that I've found and die for... =D

It's funny that when your 19, you just feel a tinge of difference in you. When I was a little girl, I also looked on the elder girls in my life and wondered what was it like to be their age. Like do they feel different or not... I guess now I know... It's also funny that when you reach the age of near adulthood, you realize that you're not a kid anymore and you can't say " I'm still young" as in a kid...or when it comes to 'relationships', it's not wrong to find somebody? Well not that I want someone right now, it just feels weird...seriously it does!

On the last night before 12 that 23rd of August 2009, I felt excited and anxious... and sad as well. Sad because I'm unable to celebrate it properly with my family and friends... I wish i could have a party and have a countdown... oh wells....

But yeah, I always believed that each birthday, God always gave me a gift that no one can give... I got them after a few days...it was good.... my grades for As was shocking because I never expected to get a B for History nor a C for Sociology.... funny how i got Ds in my ELIT and EAS.... Oh wells......But I thank GOd though.....

I'm really glad that I spent time with Mich,Blessy,Em,Joycie,Matt and Nick. And all the birthday wishes from friends i never expected that I would recieve from....sad i couldn't reply them because I only had 6cents in my mobile at that time....hahahha......

But yeah, overall, I praise GOd that I'm able to give praise for another year! I still believe that in each birthdays....there's magic! Godly magic i mean....=)

RACH DARLING

2009-08-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

Darling Rach,

I can still remember the first time i met you and that was at L.I.F.E camp 2006. =) Hehehe sorry for the late post but yeah only have the time to post it now. Yeah, thanks for not forgetting me and inviting me to your birthday. =)

BLESSY DEAREST

2009-08-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

Blessy dearest,

It's been three or four years since the day you saw me on Easter Friday in my pontianak long hair. XD Love, it's no sine seeing you grow and growing with you as well =).
Happy that you really had a good surprise! hahahah i will remember this day till i die.

My blog

2009-08-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

The things i want to say
The things i want to do
The dreams i want to make come true
Are just in my head

I try so hard to explain
each thought
but words come out
that's not...

I can't find myself in this
My life feels blank and stiff
I can't find my way out
Where can i go right now...

Death,life,death

Can i leave soon?

The scare the years ahead brings
My family and my friends
What is going to happen?

The end is near I fear.
I'm losing my mind right now
Don't know, need help.

He feels distant
I tell myself
Life is not all about you
nor is it about feelings
It's about being someone,
to help someone,
bring back someone

before it's too late.

Can't figure this out
the white and the black
before clear
now gray

No one cares these days
they try but do they?

I wished i cared.

Brrrrrrrrrrr......borrrrrriiinnnggggggg

2009-07-15T23:09:00.000-07:00

School's been really boring lately.....friends are the only reason why i push myself to go.... sigh...... Socio class is really exciting but the killer is, i don't have anyone sitting beside me to share my thoughts and opinions because i'm too shy to voice out. =(

It's really funny but lately, i wished that i could call someone and talk to them on the phone, or like rather someone call me coz i really feel bored at home.

So yeah i really wished someone called me and talk to me....thank GOD that BLessy called me last night and talked to me for a lil while.....

OHhhh yahhhh.... i managed to play badminton last night and it was kinda ok but i'm still now statisfied because we didn't really play a serious game at all. ahahhahaha anyways got to go coz Wani's here and she's bugging me to go now...she said "Sheiela, you must respect the law of 60minutes! " gah okie " 60 minutes my BUTT" hehehehehe she's reading it now........... okie then bye bye!!!!!!!

Seriously....someone call me, i feel bored and alone at home....=(

GARRRR.....my inner pants!!! O~O

2009-07-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

OH MAN OH MAN!!!!! It was so embarassing!!!!!!! Just now before entering the library, after putting down my bag and files on the floor,my inner pants felt like it was about to fall or more like it was way below my waist so yeah felt very uncomfortable. The normal thing to do is to pull it up unconsciously, but WHOOOPE DO i didn't even cared about the people behind me and so i just pulled it up which to some would look like i had a wedgie or vacuum (some may call it). In the struggle to pull my pants up, i turned around and WHOAH! This guy was like bending down to pick his beg up, he was watching the whole scene and worst of all, he is like only a few inches away!!!! By the time my brain switched on to stop the whole process, it was already too late, as his head got up to see who in the world is this shameless PIG, he saw my face. BOy oh BOy should you see the looks on his face-- it was like a mixture of disgust and confussion and it ended with hidden laughter the minute he recognised my face......GArrrrrrrrr.. the next thing i could do was turn back and avoid his glance............AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......plus i was like trying to drink water and i nearly choke coz my friend Wani was trying hard to understand why i was behaving like that and when she did i couldn't even SWALLOW!!! oh man so embbarassing!!!!!.....plus the worst thing is, this happened in my school and the odds of bumping into that guy would be like what,10 in like 15 times!!!!! D=

anywhoo, i could only laugh.......and yeah continue what i was supposed to do. NO not pull my pants up! Go to the library lah!!!! AIGO!!!!!

D.U.E

2009-07-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

D U E! Those letters have been my best friends in school, especially in my tests. You know why??? Because these letters are always on my answer sheets, after the teachers finished marking them. Sigh, I wonder when A, B, and C will soon realise that I'm fun friend to be with !!!! ARgh......

Hahahah yea it sounds like a story huh? Well it's true, DUE, they're my best friends eversince i entered college. =(

Yeah this what i was thinking about this morning before i entered history class.

Seriously dissapointed in myself

The Last Post

2009-07-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

Well it's not really the last post but it's for now because I know for a fact that tomorrow is the last day of school holidays and yeah I''ll be having my exams very soon and have to prepare alot of things.

Right here it goes, I wouldn't be able to make this GORGEOUS blog without YOU, that is EMILY TAN HUI FEI!!!!! XD MUAHZ a tousand and one *wink! heheheheheh Yes ALL the credit goes to her for all the pain she took to help me especially when I'm very choosy and very particular over everything. Yes the princess right now is sleeping so I'm taking this opportunity to make a BIG THANK YOU NOTE to her without her knowing it.

THANK YOU EMMY!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!! THANKS TO YOU I HAVE MY GENUINE BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right another thing......to my future husband who right now I don't know who that muddle bugger pig is, I just want to tell you that I wish you were here right now and that I wish that I knew you like now actually and that YOUR IN BUG BUG TROUBLE!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA that's because I wish that i can rest my shoulder on you right now.

Thing is about this BGR thing, I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm more in need of a guy friend who i can always call no matter what time of the day whenever i have any problems and i can always lean my head on his shoulders and play with him and be all mean to him. Honestly this is because I've never had a relationship before (it's a parents's thing) and so I'm very scared of having commitments. Maybe I need to get some advice from the leaders in YDM about these things because right now I'm really desperate for a guy. Hopefully God has someone for me =)

Oki doke, got to go sleep now!

So farewell my blog that's always dead and dreary. I will miss you.
XOXOXO

Where ever you are,just want to let you know I miss you and I love you already before I even know you. =)

To my dearest Father in Heaven, Thank You so much for these 3 weeks of holiday that you have set for me and the others who really needed it badly.

I love YOu Lord!!!
Good night Daddy!

May i dream about You tonight.

Written with lots of love.......

A GOOD MORNING.....

2009-07-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

Hello!!! Good morning my dearly beloved,it's a wonderful morning a minute before 9am sweeps in. =)

Yes i woke up with a banging headache, most probably the sinus that i have been having since young which i claim to be most of the time but i i'm not really sure of it because i never had a check up with the doctor..... so yeah maybe not sinus. I keep sneezing because of the morning chill hehehehe......

It's a Saturday morning and only a few hours until YDM starts and i still haven't even finished my homework, HISTORY assignment! But yeah, i did the reserch already so i just have to fit things in and just start writting an eassay formed answer.

All throughtout last night, i was kinda semi conscious and had a slight headache, oh well maybe when school starts, i'll have my sleep back again.

I'm listening to Casting Crowns now, first it was "Your Love is Extravagant", i love the soft and touching intro and yeah i love his voice alot. Now I'm listening to "Somewhere in the middle" , I love it sooooooo much!!!!!! I just love Casting Crowns because of the singer's rusty manly voice and the words of the song are words that my brain can never seem to think of but is exactly what i would want to say to my Lord. Man oh man he really has a nice voice....I love his voice and the words just adds the UMPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Incase you want to hear the songs I'm hearing to right now, it's playing now =)

You love is extravagant

2009-07-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

Yes Lord Your LOVE is extravagant and I love you. I can never forget your unfailing love, your sweet soft warm Love that always calms my stormy heart.....

I love you Lord, your friendship is intimate. A friend that is always there during good times or bad times. ALthough friends may fail to understand me, you know my deepest thoughts and raging feelings that disturbs me and you comfort me in the most delicate way. Your love is extravagant.

I love YOu Lord, spread wide in the arms of Christ, you capture my heart again. No matter how many times i fail to keep you FIrst in my heart and life, you wait patiently for me to get back on my feet and stabilize myself and then welcome me in the most loving way, as if i have never done anything wrong. This i feel after asking for your forgiveness...

YOu love me and the others all the same, i know i haven't been the best reflector, but i know they (those who don't know you) will find you in their own unique way. Plus grace is there to save them. I love you LOrd.

Your love covers sin, no greater love have i ever known who can consider me your friend. Oh Lord YOu really amaze me and YES I love YOU. I can never find the best words to express YOur love. I love YOU LORD......that's all i can say which can't even describe YOUR LOVE in any tiny way................................

I LOVE YOU LORD. =)

Miracle, second chance

2009-06-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

I thought i was going to be super fried by my teacher because holiday was one day away and i still haven't done my homework which requires me to accomplish in two weeks. Then the news came, another week of holiday extended. Good news for my assignment but not good news for me because i'm given work at home to help my bro with his maths and knowing me and maths, we don't go so well in history. It's prssurizing me even more since i have to finish my assignments and do some house work like doing the laundry (hand wash) and cleaning the bedroom. I guess that's what parents become when they see their daughter who's turning 19 sitting around at home or going out too much everyday. (breaths in deeply)

I just wish that this person which is me, is capable of multitasking and you know smart enough to teach her bro with maths. That she can take house duties and carry them out fast with a very merry heart. That she can take her mom's cold poignant comments in a postive way and do what she wants her to do. That she could find a job soon after the exam and get a better house for her family and get her own room to sleep in.

The stress that I'm facing right now is something most people would or would not understand because of my limited vocabulary. I don't know whether i could find someone who understands me the way i want them to but yeah, it's hard and i also wonder whether i will find that "someone" here in Brunei. Judging from what i see now, there's a small chance that that would happen. I need someone who can speak out the words that i want to say and not think about whether it makes sense or not. I need someone who can take my emotional times and understand me without me explaining word for word.

I need someone who can make me smile when i look worried or when i'm on the verge of breaking down. I need someone who can lend me his shoulder when i feel really low.

I want a guy friend that can make me understand the world of guys. I know i'm not ready to go into any relationship, i just want a companion. There won't be any space for mushynesss or any lovey dovey, just pure friendsip.

All these are just fantasy, none will come true.

Movie Marathon cum pool party

2009-06-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine it??? Right after camp we had another exciting event going on and it was held at Kus place which was so fun.

First i got to tell you about the tiny adventure we had before we started watching the movies we planned to watch. Blessy felt bad that she caused the dogs to escape from their dwellings then somehow we all followed the dogs and ended up as dirty as them. We crossed two tiny rivers and yeah all of us came back stinky and wet on our feet, well not for Kus his whole leg went into this swamp and lost his slippers for a moment. Thanks to Blessy, he managed to get it out before the slimmy thing swallowed it. The most memorable thing was Ryan screaming like a lil girl when something touched his arm and yeah it made me run for cemented ground hehehehe......

The movies that we watched were awesome!!!!!! Thanks to Ches and Kus for making this event come true and not just some plan said by the Mouth. We swam to our hearts content and had some good food after that.

Liar liar was my favourite movie in that party so far....heheheh coz of Jim Carey, he was so funny and seriously hilarious.........

Other than the movies, swimming and good food, we played ROCK BAND!!!!!! I really liked the drums!!!!! Playing accordind to the beat really made me pumped up except I didn't know most of the songs so yeah.......

WE went home at 11pm. But I still wished we could watch the movies that is kinda like a must have.......maybe another time........

Of all things that I should have said, I cannot not say Praise GOd for all these, you know the fact that everything went really well and all of us had lots of fun was all due to God's favor. It's something I believe that if things don't go right , you should first go to the Maker of all things and seek Him first and then only will things go smoothly........

Praise Him
Hugs and Kisses to all my beloved friends

Holiday in one

2009-06-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

The first week of camp was just awesome...i get to sleep over a number of times at the Tan's and the Joseph sistas on the first Wednesday, camp started (YAY!!!!!) the first day was remarkable. Pastor Lawrence really did a good job. Dinner was great too, compliments to the ones in charge!!!! hehehehe...... supper too was extravagant, we had sushi and other delicious dishes all thanks to Mich and Stephen.

The second day was equally unique as we had to play handicap and something undesirable happened which I'm not going to mention as it involves someone that i know really close. Anyways, i got to know my team really well in the tough game and yeah it was awesome, it really built trust and team work in us all. I really want to give my gratitude to the ones in charge of games man. Worship and praise and the message really taught me alot of valuable things that i have and have not learnt. That is, learning to worship God no matter how you feel. While the message helped me get a grip of myself, you know holding on what you were told by God when you started believing in Him.

Third and fourth day of camp were just tiring but never less awesome than the other two,I can say that our fasting and prayer did not go to waste =). The vibe for camp was extremely unexplainable, i really thank God it was amazing.

The games this year was incredibly challenging and interesting. i really want to thank Anna, Becky and Ches for such good choice of games.

We really had fun on the last day of camp, the part where we had to prepare for a commercial presentation and we had to include the lines from a song that we are familiar with and combine it with an electrical appliance. It happened to be that our team's electrical appliance was the one and only washing machine and the song was Since I Found Your Love.....XD it was hilarious on that day!!!!!! We all contributed to the flawless masterpiece and yeah it was amazing how we all had lots of fun in the midst of such little time and last minute preparations.

All in all, camp started with a BOOM! and ended with a BANG! Each life was touched and transformed by God, not one left untouched although some were too young to understand things like this.

I really Praise God for His plans that my mind can never comprehend His power.

Praise HIm.
Love and Hugs to all my beloved friends

School's OUT!!!!!!

2009-06-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

Yes school is finally out and I feel like a bird that's has been in cage for so long - set free........but that doesn't mean that I'm free from revising T_T oh wells i guess that is what life is all about, the minute you set foot on beautiful earth that's the

the start of the never ending trials we face.............................

I malas to type coz last night i didn't sleep at all throughout the night.......................YAWN......

Sunday 31st May 2009

2009-05-31T05:21:00.000-07:00

This was the most wonderful destressed day ever in my entire life....you know why? Coz I SWAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At the stadium with Michelle, Emily,Blessy , Joyce,Ches, Matt, Ryan and Dennis!!!!!!! We had a nice time, it was the first time for me to swim at the stadium and it was way bigger than what we saw at the first pool we wanted to swim in xP. Plus it was so much cheaper too. Well at the end of the day, what matters most was that what I prayed for came true. I told God that I want to always remember Him in all situations; not only in bad,low times but also in happy hyper times!!!! When I went swimming I didn't really had Him in mind but God did...and guessed what He did to remind me? I was responsible for losing Chester's goggles because I was the last person who used it. =(

So on my way back in to the pool area, I didn't find it at first , Joyce came and helped me but no luck. I thought, "this is it man this is where all my stress will return, I will be hated by Chester!!!!!" I turned back. I looked again, maybe it was at the place where I showered before changing. Nada. I didn't give up, I thought maybe it was at the boy's toilet the shower part I mean. Just in case. One glance, there at the shower tap, hanging innocently was CHESTER'S GOGGLES! UGH~!!!!! Now the problem was how do I get it because it's the guy's toilet, i don't want to get sued for intruding! Thank God for my saviour , Joyce! Dived right in and came out. How did I feel? First GREATLY RELIEVED. Second, CHESTER!!!!!!!!!! I SO WANT TO KILL YOU! Metaphorically speaking of course XD hehehe....on the other hand I remembered that if it wasn't for the prayer I prayed earlier, this would probably not happen. In other words, it was part of God's plan to remind me that in all times I would remember Him, that He will be every where,every time in everything: in my heart.

I just THANK GOD that I didn't lose Chester's goggles and that I got the message from God to always remember Him! =) ^-^ The feeling of finding for something that i thought that I lost was PRICELESS. Come to think of it, it seems like the hiding game we played yesterday at YDM helped....hahahha at least i found this one! BIG SIGH OF RELIEF ! WAOH! GREAT DAY!

THANKS TO MICHELLE WHO MADE THIS DREAM COME TRUE, AND THE REST FOR MAKING IT AN AWESOME EVENT! XD

Why?

2009-05-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

I don't want this to happen again. I am happy with the way things are .....but i can't help bumping into obstacles and just fall over and starting at square one again.....Mr.Rochester...I thought he was not like the rest then now suddenly he is like a stranger to me again...oh well i will try my best to mend things...just hope that things will turn out right......SIGH.....why....I don't want to ruin people's lives......I can't help it.....

I hate this....

Praise God

2009-04-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yeash I want to praiseGod for all that He has done forme sofar...the lessons He taught me so far hasreally helped me build up my identity and also learn how to deal with people who get on your nerves through patience.

I also want to Thank my family and my other family (bet you're wondering who it is right?)well I can't thank you all enough for what you have done to me and for me.....I love you all...really i do....Sadly i can't go Church these days =(......

I woudln't forget my friends at school..they too have been really DEAL LOT OF BLESSING.....i don'thave to mention names..you all know who You are.....=)

So far studies have been gradually improving.......... i really owe all this to God and my supported friends.

Debate team

2009-03-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

Today was the day that our school debate club chose the last 2 members of the team for the debate competition.....I was actually afraid and offered my spot many times...I wanted to forfeit so many times and yet the team wasn't letting me go just like that. They had high hopes and they atually supported me like really sincerely....honestly that made me felt loved....hehehe.......I actually Thank God for having such beautiful and sweet club members ....teachers too were wonderful.....but overall, I would not have done it if it weren't for God's blessings....and their sincere support.......on my way to school, I actually ask God to stand beside me when I'm doing the speech because I know how nervous I can get.......Yeah without God......I could never have suceeded.....so that is why I'm blogging, to give GOd the glory.............I don't deserve anything and yet He blessed me right there and then......I really praise GOd for everything.......

So yeah I praise God for what He as done...............

After a long while MIA

2009-03-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

Yes. It's me again and yes it's been a while since I blogged. But now I'm here and to just spill out what has been happening in my life eversince the birth of 2009.

January started like no other, I wasn't ready but regardless of being ready or not, time could not stop itself. Stuff that never happened before appeared out of no where.Thought that it was going tostay but yay now everything is fine. Phew!

February came slipping in silently with alot of History assignments and homeworks. Yes the the lower came and I'm not entirely fond of them because of their behaviour and attitude towards the AE's.

March was not so bad but I found out that May is my enemy because it's war time with my mind........ And now March is dissolving into timeless memory stored in the brain of a thousand door for storage, goodbye month number 3.

Sigh.......how i wish i have internet....then i could blog everyday....

About my heart: It says......" I don't want to fall in love again!!!!!!"

But I read a book and now I'm storing up for someone special........so don't mind my boring brain............

2009-01-29T00:20:00.000-08:00

The path is rough and tough.....

The new year begins with unpleasant surprises ....she felt lost in the days of a new year....she felt she was alone and the only person who she longs for has left her to herself....she sees things she never thought she would see and things that she thought would never happen.....in the midst of these she felt that it has stripped her of her true self and her sweetest memories of the past....the lessons she had learnt in life bleached away from her tender mind leaving her alone without the shield of life.....she stands alone in the dark awaiting her hero...yet as the days passed, she could only see sorrow......she trembled numourous times around the crowd of her heart....yet she knew no one would help her for only the Saviour could help .....just when she thought she lost all she was in her, she began to speak the nightmares of her present like she never did before....incredibly,the crowd begins to understand and they hear her pain and sorrow....when she found their hands leaning upon her sorrowful shoulders,she sought help and there she found the person she longed for...through prayers and words ,that's when she found herself again.......deep down in the pits where she thought she would never escape was where she found herself ..................again.

2008-12-30T10:04:00.000-08:00

2008............

Wow t feels like it was only yesterday that the year 2008 had just begun....and now look it's already the end of it.....Boy oh boy how time just slip through your hands when you tend to be really busy.....I'm gonna miss this year alot.....and am going to embrace the new one starting tommorow......I hope that with me going MIA......I wouldn't miss the best things of the year...I somehow feel it that way, that when i go away, all the nice events just take place and making you end up losing all the opportunity to make memories......T_T...I feel really sad...it's like next year is going to be like a cage keeping me in...confining me.......oh well... i really hope that i would still keep my friendhip close...coz it feels like the meaning of friendship has died down and i'm beginning to lose all my friends...even if they were close.....I feel like I lost them on the inside...but come what may....God is still there.......

I miss the old times.........where are they now?

2008-12-28T04:21:00.000-08:00

"I DON"T CARE"

You know that is practically the most common word used by teenagers....when they reach that stage in life, they soon learn this particular word....you know why? Because they learn that nobody wants to know about what has been happening in their life.....so to top off that hurt, they too become what others have done to them....=( Sad huh? Well that was how i became the 'don't care type' .... oh well the world is cruel no matter how sweet you make it...... =)

2008-12-23T01:49:00.000-08:00

Butter....more butter and Voila, Cookies!!!!!

Yes we have been baking cookies like for 12 hours? Ahahahah.....yes we were at Christina's house yesterday and started baking like at 2pm? And then stopped like at 1am.....slept at 4am and woke up at 10ish in the morning.....We had to bake cookies for the people at the old folks home and the Church wanted 36 containers of cookies which, if we were to count...would be like 1000 cookies! Well honestly it didn't feel like we baked that much but I think all in all it is kinda like that number. We had tonnes of fun! Although we like kinda sick of baking cookies...I still wouldn't mind eating cookies...the ones we bakes especially XD.....we didn't take photos coz we were so busy and our hands were coated with greasy mixture of flour....the most funn part was when we started calculating how much flour and the other ingredients because i guess I miss maths........well I got to go now because we are now going to [ractice our dasncing..I am actually at Church right now..thanks to Shannen I can finally blog about someting......Thanks Shannen!!!! :) (wink) It's the final dress rehearsal before Christmas eve...I'm reaslly excited for the arrival of Christmas!!!.........oh well gotta now.....TO all my dear friends

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!

2008-12-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

Mission trip

It's over but the memories still live in me and the others who went....well i really learnt alot from the kids and the teachers there...they really taught me to love and to appreciate what i have.....I really...Thank God for this opportunity and it's no use telling people what we did because it can never show them the real experience....lots of things are happening this week...sleepovers....Christmas pary.......feels like i'm a live zombie trying to find herself and she really has lost the true meaning of life..it's hard she can't cry and she can't laugh the way she used to.....I don't know the main cause for this trouble but i really thank God for what He has done so far....i can see He is there to help me but it's me sinking deeper in a hole of unknown..it's hard to explain and no one can help me now exept God...only He knows my pain........even I don't know what pain am i going through........

MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCE TO AUNTY SOPHIA,UNCLE PHILLIP,MICHELLE AND EMILY.......

2008-11-17T21:07:00.000-08:00

MOODY MUCH?

Well I don't know why but some of my friends are kinda moody.......and they just love to snap at me for some question that I ask....it's in school by the way,and it's very annoying because it makes me feel like I'm a lousy friend.....and I have like complains from them too which kinda made me think why can't they just live with the people that they don't get along? I mean God made them like that so just accept it.....I look at that situation like that because I see people who are very tolerant with me.....I'm the worst friend that you could ever be friend .....that was like in primary 6 . And you should thank God that you don't have to see me like that now....all,I learn from a faithful friend who was so considerate that I finally realized what I did was wrong.....

It's not my job to tell my friends that they have to change or that they have issues....because it's not going to work that way....I know that my friends see me as immature and therefore wouldn't take me seriously and some more I don't want them to be someone they are not. If I were to tell them that they have issues, there is a chance where they feel they have to change and if that happens, they would try to be someone they are not or, they would take you on the negative side..they might even deny it and yeah it goes to alot more spider webs that could dig up old past that they would use against you.

I know that a good friend would tell them what is wrong with them and that is what I am going to do. You know there is two types of cases of telling your friend?

One is when your friend is doing something sinful,like say she is taking drugs or she is planning to commit suicide. That is when you should advice your friend.When they do something very VERY wrong.

Another is when your friend does something that hurts people.
this is when they start doing evil plots to HURT their friend, like in High School Musical three when the actor Ashley Tisdale planned all the evil things...that is when you tell them.

Look, if you are a good friend, you would FIRST learn to be considerate with others especially those who gets on your nerves.....if you find them hurting you then tell them or tell your other friends.....you should know that when you tell them that they are hurting you then you should also know that you are going to face alot of consequences. You shouldn't be afraid to tell them and it's best that you tell them yourself rather than telling people to tell them because there is a chance that they would see it differently and then give inaccurate information.

You should know that if you can't accept your friends now then when you go out of Brunei will you realize that friends like them are so much better.

You know who you are. It's time that you tell that person yourself. I will always be here to tell you wether you are right or wrong....trust me I know when you aren't.ANd you should also know that when you tell me the issues that that person has it could also lead to GOSSIP. Which is why I try to reduce the topic and try to tell you that you should just accept her the way she is.

I came across this verse right after a heated convo.....when i was doing my devotion....12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Collosians 3:13-14

2008-11-11T16:06:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was a one in a million.......what happened? well i followed my friend to this exhibition that helps students to find which university they would like to attend after A levels....and I actually found this nice uni called Strathclyde ...i fell in love with the uni right after the interview....it has music, tourism, childhood care, sociology, history, English Literature, sports and also multimedia....this uni opened my tunnel vision a little bigger (hehe) and yeah i would want to take one of these course if i study there....it's in Scotland though....hahaha i might actually come back with Scottish accent!!!

But it was after the exhibition that things bacame quite tense....i had a meeting and i was supposed to be there by 5pm at Church but things took a quick turn when my friend's mom was the one to pick us up....i didn't want to bother her and it was supposed to be her dad that was going to pick us up and he agreed to it...but since her mum was the one who was going to pick us up....I had to ask someone to pick me up or else.........

SO yeah i didn't get to attend the meeting and the trip in her mum's car was deadly as the whole journey was like acceleration and sharp turns with bumpy stops.....not to forget it was so silent..........

I reached home...i got a call from Blessy and yeah she informed me that the meeting was like talking about the payment of the trip...i had to pay this Sunday....see the thing about 'Kaching' in my family is that we do get at times but when it comes...it goes to the bills and debts that we have put on hold and we end up dry and insufficient to pay for the next month's demand.......and if extra demand comes then the others have to be on hold again and yeah ......one more thing is that to get to pay something will take a long time....and yes you see me in nice clothes but you know what it's not from my own money..infact i don't have my own money....i keep my lunch food to collect to buy something i want and that ususally doesn't come true because somehow things get in the way and i have to abort the idea of getting that particular thing..... getting this phone feels like all my wishes have came truen because i never expected it at all..i didn't put any hope in it and yeah i don't know how it happened but it did..........(how i really wish i was rich)....

And you know, I can tell that there are people that have that look saying "and she says she doesn't have money..."

Oh well....i guess some things can't be avoided eh......only GOd knows what is going one...no matter what happens no one can know how i feel even if they go through the sane situation....they don't see like how i see......

2008-11-04T19:00:00.000-08:00

My oh my......

This week has been a catastrophy because I have overcame kinda lots of heart bearing situations which I don't want to explain but anyways I mis blogging..and yesterday was like so tearful coz Juds went back to Miri....although I don't get aloong well with her,it's like when she goes home I feel like I lost a part of myself....I don't know why but somehow I feel whole again when she is around and ...I wasn't ready to let her go because she didn't really stay long downstairs with us to play bball.....it was wrong timing..... and yeah it's been difficult walking around with a wound on your heel because you stepped on a toothpick which went in like 2 inches deep? hmmm.....yeah now it's affecting my other leg...the thighs la..........anyways ...I miss Yeo chan and Wani chan..........T_T...i really wished you were here and not there...I a lil bit confused on some things like do i still or not......hmmm.....it's going to be a long year next year.....and exams are coming out....

What I really feel bad about is that I can't make enough time to do my devotion properly and it's like chaotic this week...so way chaotic.....man i really am running in HIm...yesh although my devotions are not soo ok.....I know my Lord is faithful and He is always there and I really thank God for His unfailling love and mercy and Campassion...........

2008-11-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

OUCH!!!!!!!

Yeah after the graduation in UBD on Thursday, I was insisted by my friend to sleep over her house for the day...and so i did. That night, I was like talking a fast bath and then after nearly finishing.....I was stepping one step down from the step la.....then ah...at that very second....my brains was like saying oh Sheiela be careful "you'll fall!" but it was too late because......that instant I slipped and feel on my butt and wow it felt like my butt cracked (i mean my butt bone la not the flesh eewwwww!!) yeah and luckily i was like wearing just the inner skirt and it was at night so no big problem getting all wet.....because that night I was going with the family to an open house....and had to wear my skirt again after bathing....so yeah it was at night so no problem they can't see my legs without inner skirt...XD.....but yeah back to the butt fall. Yeah butt my butt felt like it was one side bigger than the other and also like I though I could'nt walk anymore because it was so painfullllll!!!!!! I tried to take a step or two and umm yeah TADDAA!!!!! I'm stilll ok!!!!

HAHAHAHA I know it's supposed to be funny but I just don't know how to say it to make it look funnny but yeah till now I still feel like inside my butt there is a scaror wound .....because everytime I start walking up the stairs in school or run, I can feel that my butt it one side bigger than the other....and that everytime i touch the wounded area it HURTS LIKE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH well that's it for today...hahahaha......forgot to tell YDM during testimony....oh well it's too embarassing mahhhhh

XD XOXOXOX

2008-10-28T23:37:00.001-07:00

Lovey Dovey!

This week has been a real lovey dovey week,yeap in school.My friends are all doubles now except for me and Wan chan! ^^ oh well,I do wish sometimes that I wasn't single but come to think of it,if I were to have someone as my boyfriend,I wouldn't it to just be puppy love i want it to be a serious one,and I want that relationship to go ahead to the altar,til death do us part.yea im not ready for a relationship,just want to focus on my studies and career plus put God first.After all Jesus is our bride =)

2008-10-28T23:22:00.001-07:00

A testimony...

Just got a mobile,but that doesn't matter,what matter is my testimonial to glorify God. I was afraid that this phone would not be mine. I prayed and asked though deep inside I doubted. I wondered wether HE heard me or not or will He give consent.

Started collecting money for it though I still doubted that it would come true.

25th October 2008
after YDM,KOOL meeting and dinner. Got into the car with my brother.
Dad:Sheiela how much is the phone you wanted?
Me:umm it's $118, why?
Dad:oh then how much do you have now?
Me:only 40
Dad:ok you give me the 40
Mum:TADaa! (with mobile bag in hand)
Me:WHAT! YOU BOUGHT IT! WAH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THANK YOU D AND MA!

See how wonderful our God is,how unthinkable plans He can set in Your life.My GOD IS BIG!

2008-10-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

Praise HIM!!!!1

What have i done to deserve these blessings????
What have i contributed to accept Your love???
What did I do that made You love me as me??

Indeed Lord You are Amazing!
I can't praise You enough.....

LOrd thank You......

2008-10-23T01:26:00.000-07:00

LOOKKKK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make sure you scroll till you see someone familiar XD

2008-10-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

I MISSS YOU

Yeash I miss you alot.....and yesterday i wished i got to chat with you.....You know who you are.....

Yesh last night my bro was playing the Hercules cartoon and I loved one of the songs which is so wow to me lah....

the lyric goes....

No man is worth the aggravasion
lalalala i don't know the others

and then

You swoon, you sigh, why deny it oh oh....(the backup singers)
It's too cliche, I won't say I'm in love.....(the girl)
and then there is this part in the song where it says....

You're doing flips read our lips (the back up singers)

YOu're in love!!!

Hahahah yeah it's nice will put it in the song list soon....and um.....

I'm pretty confused these days.....have been having personal problems..the blahs are coming again and my feelings and emotions are getting tender and sensitive.....I miss the times when I can smile despite the bad things that happened.....

I really miss you so much...wish you were here all of you......=)

I hate it when I'm emo.......

Do You speak my language?????

2008-10-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

Growing up in a Malay neighborhood and having friends who are Malays carved a Malay in me....on the inside...I know what inside joke they are talking about and what are the latest singer or actor in Malaysia, Indonesia and um...Brunei off course. XD Yeh that is how I am......I can laugh at their jokes from malay movies and um....lots more....but ever since I started going to YDM....and Church...I always feel inadequte because most of them would ask me this " do you know this guy???" or "do you know that girl???" either a famous writer or a singer from Hillsong or Planetshaker and so forth would come into the conversation...which will me in a BIG guess who that person is...and it makes the person I'm talking to feel like I'm useless to talk to....coz I usually say nope...and yeah I feel left out sometimes........

It got me thinking about why can't I fit in with the others....why do i feel like I can't communicate with them.....and it was until now that I found out that they don't speak my language.....what i mean is, it's not the language language thingy....it's the way I speak language....see because I didn't grow up in their environment like in St.Andrews school...they were brought up in a different "language" than me......

So yeah....I now am trying to learn fro them their "language" and their most fav topic like singers and writers and lots more......so help me in this journey to get to know YOUR language ......=)

Which reminds me that our relationship in Christ has a language too...for example....as a Christian we usually speak kindness, love, compassion in our daily lives....what I mean is not just in our conversation but in our lives, our character, our family and everywhere. Why? Because our God has a language which 'we' only know....so don't take it for granted yeah people!!!! We have a wonderful God and we should use this language to tell people of His LOVE and all the other precious values our God has installed for them and what our LORD has done for them.....

XD

Level.....1? 2?

2008-10-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah you know God is really great! Let me tell you why....see I always wonder whether I will ever change from my typical ways..those who know me already know what I'm talking about =) And yeah He did change me......I felt like I was going up step by step, what I mean was that once I have overcome that obstacle in my life then He will bring me to level 2! Yeah and sometimes maybe up to level 3! hmmmm but I only realized the level level thingy when I read out KOOL retreat craft that used a bible verse from the book of 2 Peter 1:5-9 which says 5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. I tried to apply it to my life and VOALA!!!! I'm in level 5!!!!!! I think hahahaha yeah so you guys out there...should try it too.......don't give up if you are not in any level.....stand up and try again!!!!!!

Like the Japanese people use to say GAMBATE!!!!!!! (pronounced as gum ba teh!) hahahah yeah which means try hard or like keep working hard!!!!

Yeah and umm....I thank GOd for HIs everlasting never ending LOVE!!!!!!!

Pet lovers!!!!!!!

2008-10-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

On Saturday after school.....my dad dropped by Kiulap before sending us to YDM, then for some reason when he came out of the store....instead of heading for our car he side tracked to a lonkang near the junction of the main Kiulap road. We were all waiting and I was starting to get angry because I was boiling hot in the car and plus my brother and I were really late for YDM or I thought I was. When my mom finally decided to find out what was wrong with my dad, he finally came back to the car.

As we head to Church he explained that there was an angmo a Lady who was trying to save a lil kitten in the drain....as we passed by, I saw her on the phone probably trying to call for the authorities like the fire brigade or something......and then I managed to get a glance of the husband who was walking towards her from the Petlink shop. He was holding a pretty large fish net in his hands...probably to catch the kitten in the safest way...plus it was wet wah and it kept on running away to the other side.

After YDM my dad said he went back to see and he explained to me that the person the lady was calling was actually the owner of the animal shelter, she was there and she managed to help save the poor kitty.....the best thing of all my dad said when she caught the kitten, she wrapped it in a towel and held it like it was her baby....Awwwwwwww I really am inspired with the kind hearted work she has done........^^

My mom managed to get more info from her and she would like anyone to cooperate to give any info about any stray cats or dogs.....she even gave my mom an email address....here

I hope you guys would help in giving her more info if there are any cats or dogs that are kept in a cage or chained in a very inhumane way.....oh and I checked out that she has so many dogs for adoption........ XD

Third day.....

2008-10-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah the third day wasn't much...I woke up at around 7.30ish I think and since Rach was awake and I felt freezing cold...we decided to go down without the other dirls knowing.....and yeah so funny first we went down to the lobby to get out of the Hotel but it seemed worthless because we didn't have a proper place to sit and then thanks to Rach's brain.....we went to the swimming pool instead....Ahhhh it was warm and nice so calm......could have swam but nah too lazy plus I don't wanna get darker no more.....hahahah...yeah then we checked out at 10 am and headed back to our beloved country BRUNEI!!!!!!!! Hahahahahhahh........yeah it was fun...this time on the way home...I fell asleep...I felt sorry for Tim because he had to drive and not sleep the WHOLE WAY! Thanks Tim for driving us home safely!!!!

In Brunei, once we reached Church...it was time to prepare for YDM and yeah that was all....some had practice at Church for Sunday while some had visiting to do....like me!!!! hahahaha.....yeah

So guys that's all for the trip......

Really glad I had the chance to go and wished there will be a next time......

^_^

Second day....

2008-10-07T17:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah the first day,I woke up at around 8am. But the funny thing was that I kept waking up and then sleeping back again and each time I did that, I would see Rach all dressed up beside me because we shared the same bed.

Our breakfast was at a Chinese restaurant called 2020.....I wonder why they call it 2020......maybe because they have like 20 waiters and waitresses???? Anyways I had some Dim Sum....because I didn't really feel like eating alot......Thanks to Che che Lorene, I tried some nice dumplings.....=)

I could'nt really remember what we did after having our breakfast....owh now I do....we head back to the hotel and then decided to go for a swim.....Yeah that's right!!!! Haahaha....yeah we swimmed and swimmed untill it was like around 3.30??????? Had to get out because it was time to practice some dancing before the night's occasion.....didn't want to get out of the pool because I really love swimming......but yeah thanks to Rach I didn't regret it because right after getting out, I saw how dark I was in the toilet......yeah if you ask Rach,Laurice and Caroline....I was seriously screaming!!!!. But then I think after the cold water off my face it wasn't that bad....the reason it was so dark was because of the sauna too I think??? Because it was extra hot in there......rather than the night before.....

Yeah that night we departed to Lutong....the performance was cool and we had fun.....ended the day with a big supper thanks to Juds fellow Church members they belanja us.....I miss JAnet!!!!!!!!!! Hey ya'lll nice dancing!!!!! hahahahah....randomness..yeah we saw Janet and Juds dancing that night it was nice!!!!!

Yeah that was all I guess...that night we slept at 2am kinda with some UNO you know that's why we slept so late......

Miri.....

2008-10-06T22:18:00.000-07:00

Ok....First day...hmmm well we had to be at Church by 8 am and yeah got there in time then we waited like for 15 minutes for everybody to come and get ready. Then at around 8.30 am we departed. I was assigned to be in Tim's car with Rach and Ches. The journey there wasn't too boring or too dull....we talked about random things (mostly Tim was and Ches was talking with each ohter and I barged in the their convo ^_^) Hehehe.....and Rach was like most of the time quiet because she was sick and yeah I think because she was also sleepy and tired. But half way to Miri we took some pics in the car through Rach camera, she showed me some special effects that her camera had. Somewhere between Tutong and KB we stopped by to get something to eat. Lorene said the Kuehtiaw (is the spelling right????) was good and yeah so I share with Rach since I didn't feel like eating. So funny, I thought we stopped there to get our passports chopped because the place reminded me of the immigration in Temburong where it can't be seen that well and when we were going to the chinese shop I was like wondering why is no one holding their passports??????

After lunch, we continued the journey to Miri. At that time it was like around 12ish. and yeah it was more silent and boring. I was just looking out the car window,you know just looking whether I could see anything out of the unusual....I only saw a monkey and umm near the Brunei border ....I saw a fish plopped out of the drain (not really a drain but much more like a little river by the side of the road) earlier before that I saw some men with their nets standing near that area so I though that whatever I saw plopping out was a fish.

After going through the immigration without any delay, we then headed to Imperial Hotel. I was so bangang, I thought that we were going to the guys house who was supposed to pick us up that day. Anyways the hotel was nice and what's even nicer is they have a swimming pool!!!!!! Oh a sauna and a gym as well!!!!! But yeah eventhough all these nice things would make me usually scream I still didn't feel that happy because I wished that the others were there too.......But I still really am thankful that I could go!!!!!

Anyways......after checking in Rachel and I went shopping and after that we walked to starbucks....Luarice and I were like finding for a swimming suite....and we did!!!1 Thanks to all the Cheches (that includes Val,Lorene and Luarice) hahaha because they are like big sisters to me.....hope they don't mind............

At night we went swimming and then after that wash up and went down to KFC to buy something for dinner. I ate at the apartment while watching thunder cats....soon I joined the others with some card games........

That was all for the first day...

Will continue tommorow yeah........

End of Holiday

2008-10-05T22:08:00.000-07:00

Wow just three weeks and it feels like only three days of holidays.....well the first week of holiday was just normal relaxing and then the second week was the worst and most boring week of all...because we had nothing to do at home plus the computer was conquered by my bro and his games.

The last week which was last week and umm yesterday was the most interesting week of all...Because I got to go to Miri with the leaders to perform a dance for the launching of Torch Ministry in Lutong on Friday. The fact that excited me was that I had the priviledge to dance there eventhough I was a terrible dancer. All thanks to Laurice. (Laurice if you are reading this, I WANT TO SAY A BIG THANKS FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO PERFORM THERE!!!!!! =) I am really happy and yeah we had a good time.

I hope that the others did too, I kinda feel bad that the leaders had to be responsible for me because it was suppose to be their CG outing and I know it's very hard for them to have a nice vacation. SORRY GUYS AND GALS.......but THANKS FOR LETTING US JOIN YOU IN YOUR OUTING!!!!!!!

But offcourse the person that I want to give my thanks to is GOD! If it wasn;t for His will, I wouldn't be going and yeah I really am thankful for His love and kindness.(GOD I KNOW YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE WITH ME BUT I REALLY WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY!!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!)

I know that sounded kinda weird but it's just to give Him the praise and glory and to share with all of you what He has done for me as well as a way to show you how to thank Him for all the things that He has done on you. (hope you understand that bit)

And yeah there were many things that happened which usually would make me go ku ku (you know like the clock kuku, i don't know how to spell it so yeah) and all hyped and crazy that makes people want to get of your sight.....but yeah it's not like that anymore....to me, I just want to focus on God rather than focusing on the experiences that I have came across because He is the one who gave me the chance to go in the first place so why should I be so selfish to think of only the nice things but not more on Him?

So yeah that is all for now but I will come back tommorow to tell you the trip in Miri in detail from day one to day three. That is if this comp is good and the internet connection is also not GILA.

Dead

2008-09-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

I feel really like this blog has died and lost it's purpose......Actually sad about this fact but..i hope that when school opens i will get the opportunity to blog again as often as possible......

Hm.....really wish that Pearl would send the photos soon from the Jerudong KOOL picnic hahahaha.....really wish so that this blog will have more piccies.....

Oh and whew Thank God that today no more attacks...because last Sunday at bbal i got an attack (leg cramp) and for the first time i nearly wanted to cry but mostly i don't know how to explain it was like crying out in pain.......as well as screaming for help...thanks to Laurice and Blessy it was getting better at that moment.

The past few weeks is kinda ok ....been staying at home and just bumming...wah now only one week left to hols end....Next years syllabus is coming up really soon and umm yeah to all my visitors ....I really am so sorry and umm yeah that's all for now...heheheh

2008-09-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

These are my piccies.........she helped me with the blog skins.......

Thanks BlessYY!!!!!!
HEHEHE

Upadate...........

2008-09-19T05:22:00.000-07:00

Wah felt like i'm left behind in the world of blogging....i haven't checked RAch and Blessy's blog and like read them properly....oh man i feel so left behind right now.....

Anyways holidays has started and the only thing that keeps my body moving is eating and the normal chores at home....

I really miss everybody and bball i hope i get to play it this Sunday....We had handmime practice and yeah i met up with Rach and Blessy but didn't really get to talk to her...hmmm....somethings fishy.........

(sigh)

I feel kinda bad right now..........=(

Miss you guys......see ya tommorow.....

Oh by the way ..yeah i have changed my blog layout.......hehehe hope you like it...=)

Farewell

2008-09-11T20:20:00.000-07:00

Farewell to you....
Study hard and be good...

I'll just update you all on what has been happening these past few days....

On Monday, I sat for my socio paper and tell you what it was the worst paper I have ever sat for...the first time in my life i did'nt have any idea to write and i just spill everything that sounded relevant...oh man sure flunk one......(sigh) so dissapointed hahahaha.....

Then on Tuesday, I sat for my English paper 1....again I thought ok one no need to read because it's just english but no....I reallly could'nt do well because the time given was so terrible.....only one hour for two essays and the whole paper requires you to write four essays in two hours...i panick la......what else....

On Wednesday....English literature was not so good too but better la....Our teacher told us some bad news which to her was good news after the exam...and that is.....she is going to leave us for three years in UK!!!!!!! +(

I really like the way she teaches us and also the stories that she always tells in which happens in our school ....(sigh)....thats why Farewell....the title is on her......and yeah i pray she studies hard......

Miss you ........

Oh and yeah life is ok right now.....i still miss our blog..hehehehehe..........

Reallly wish it wasn't deleted.............

Love Shell.......

Happy...for now...

2008-09-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

I got to chat with someone who i really longed to chat with..hahahha.....(sigh)...

And umm really got some new nice songs which i enjoy hearing...and wah my hand sfeel like cold ice...hahahha really hoping to see someone this sat......HOpe everything okok.....

Anyways now i just wanna to say to all readers that you are the treasure that i store....other than God la.....Offcourse GOd is no.1

And that all those who i haven't linked...i will just give me on the tagboard.....

Thanks BLessy and RAch for your concern..heard form Kus hahahha

Missing....

2008-09-03T04:38:00.000-07:00

Been missing alot these few weeks well all because of the exams and umm something else but yeah from now on i will try to blog as much as i can......

(sigh) it's been and is going to be a really tough two weeks for me because my classmate is going away plus someone else hahaha but that is not the main thing here the mainn thing now is that i will try and make my blog really active
hahhaha

anyways was thinking about the title prince charming....

Well um to me it's not the outer part that i treasure someone to be my prince charming what i see is
how that person treats me .....and yeah alot more which i don't have much time to explain but yeah i hope i will pass my exams haha i know very random ahhahaha...........hahaha

(sigh)

I will miss you.....

2008-08-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

Though we've never had the 'talk' ...I really wished we had.....
Though you maybe just another person in my life....I wish you are someone special...
Though you have to go....I wish you would'nt
Coz I miss you...the atmosphere ...
the moments ....
the memories......
and all that I have with you...

I know this is kinda ummm What is you talking about...but i really wish you didn't have to go so far..even if you do..i wish you would come back here.......

All the best.....
God BLess

My sistas birthday!

2008-08-05T17:29:00.001-07:00

To Rach and Blessy who's birthday is on da 2nd and 4th of august repectively!

I thank God i get to have met you both! Lov ya!

I really wish i could get a pendrive and a basketball soon...Hahaha

Hey YAll!!

2008-07-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

First....my condolence to my friend in school whose MOM has just passed away due to car accident.

Ok ummm......yesterday was a normal day....was kinda boring tried to study but couldn't aBlessy and Rach's bithdays are like coming and I haven't gotten them anything at all.....=( Hope that God will plan something so that I can go buy for them.......and ummm...yeah the dance is finally over and I'm so glad......after the dance and church we went to Laurice pool party for her and Terence birthday...=) *still remember how I got pushed in the pool right after asking Rach if I can put my leg in the water....hahahaha funny though......had lotsa fun .....thanks to Jack......hahahahahahaha..........

I'm quite glad that my friend went to YDM on Saturday and also on Sunday....=) but sadly we hardly say goodbye or even hello...just a short rushy Hi ...to me it's not enough...=( but oh well...it's so funny coz like when on Saturday..I saw and then we talked and got introduced to this new friend and then when we go seperat paths....I wnated to say good bye and then i turned but my friend look front and then i turn back and then i noticed my friend turned back then i turn again to see but then he also turn back...then i turn back to see again he just went away...hahahahaha funny huh? I guess not my luck

WOw

2008-07-24T00:07:00.000-07:00

Wow ........it's like been three or four months since I blogged...I think people don't really read it anymore so yeah I can say whatever I like now......

You know I can't go to Cg now coz my parents think it's too late when I finish and ummm since De Hao is the one who is bringing me and from.......my dad is scared that I might get accident or anything ever since his friend's son got an acciden and ended up paralysed.......(sigh)

See the problems I have now? It's not only that but I tend to see that these days I'm very selfish......

It's not that I don't want to share but it's because I always share with people that people tend to take me for granted and that hurts because I thought I could trust them.....

The other day at Cg .... the first time I mean, I wanted to stay longer because it was my first and I wanted to talk to all of the CG members since they were there....so I thought that I could ask De Hao a very BIG BIG favor.....that is to send Blessy home first and then come back and send us (Sheng and me) when he wants to go home, I thought he wanted to go home later and since he himself said that he could send Blessy first and then come back ( i Heard it with my own two ears!!!!!!) I thought it would be ok......but offcourse not........ just yesterday I talked to Blessy on the phone...and she kinda adviced me that I'm selfish and that I tend to say things before I think.....THAT IS VERY TRUE!!!!!!!

And you know what? I hate it alot....I hate the fact that I'm so stupid that I can't think first and then say out words that are supposed to make people be happy and not burdened.........I'm sorry De HAo...very sorry...I wont' ever ask something that will burden you anymore................

So I hope that tommorow would be ready for the dance rehearsal for the Youth Sunday............................I'm so nervous so terribly nervous .....I'm not as good as the others...I really suck totally man........

(SIGH)

There is still a list of problems that I haven't told anybody......I dpn't like to tell anymore...only the ones that I can't stand keeping and needs forgiveness.......

I hate myself right now................

2008-06-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

Have been pretty upset lately because of some things which I'm not to tell at all in this post.

So yeah school is starting tommorow and i havent finished my project at all actually i don't know what to do.......(sigh) ok i guess that was just all i want to say.......

Fun in the sun was cool and also scary because the beach has some jelly fishes and they stung some people.....I was all scared and everything but now I'm ok hahahhahahah.

Kinda missed going to the beach though.It used to be my best place in life when i was young but now it's not so clear anymore because when you grow up,you tend to think of the things that are more important. The things that you want to do is not supposed to be thought of anymore.

Oh well,

this night.......

2008-06-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

This is the last time i might blog again untill school starts at that also if i can even get access to the internet......anyways just wanna say i love all the readers who have visited my blog i know it's not much and kinda boring but yeah i just thank all of you out there.....

JUst wanna inform that camp this year is totally awasome......it touched all the people out there even the once that least expected it........God is amazing....I tell ya amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!

owh and just wanna tell everybody that God loves you no matter what or who you are...He loves you regardless of what you have done in the past or just recently......He loves you for you and is running for you and after you......................

I like this song......

2008-06-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

RIHANNA LYRICS

"Take A Bow"

Oh, How about a round of applause, Yeah
A standing ovation
Oooooo, Yeah
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You’re so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

[Chorus]
Don’t tell me you’re sorry cuz you’re not
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it’s time to go
Curtain’s finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it’s over now (But it’s over now)
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone)
You better hurry up
Before the sprinklers come on (come on)
Talkin’ bout'
Girl, I love you, you’re the one
This just looks like a re-run
Please, what else is on (on)

[Chorus]
And don't tell me you’re sorry cuz you’re not
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it’s time to go
Curtain’s finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it’s over now (But it’s over now)
Go on and take a bow

[Bridge]
Oh, And the award for
The best liar goes to you (goes to you)
For making me believe (that you)
That you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech, Oh

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it’s time to go
Curtain’s finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it’s over now (But it’s over now)
Go on and take a bow
But it’s over now

[Thanks to Darius for these lyrics]
[Thanks to Blanca for correcting these lyrics]

Sheiela

2008-06-03T01:26:00.000-07:00

Who is sheiela?
Sheiela....is like a mask that is new
fresh when you just met her
But as the days passes by.....like a mirror that shatters
breaks into pieces....
That it reveals the skin...
of different colours....
fun or boring?
depends on where you break

Is this me?
Even I don't know who I am anymore....
the heart tears you but the spirit pricks you....
both loud voices..
to hear which one?
I don't know.....

Am I an alien?

Scary......

2008-05-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today is the day Blessy and I will worship lead.....I'm really scared because I'm not like Caroline who is always organized or like Michelle who knows what to do.....I'm so nervous and right now I pray that I will do well....offcourse it is not about me but the thing is that it is for God which makes it even scarier...coz to do it for God is a very critical thing...it reflects His name at the same time.......Oh God please help me......I surrender to You......

2008-05-18T02:18:00.000-07:00

So glad.....
My Gfriend....
Not mad...
Instead just glad....
Glad to have met....
A friend who is like that.....
And now I'm glad...
To have know that....
She is ok with that.....
Oh God I'm so Glad....
Glad that she is ok with that....

Juz wanna let you know...
that I love you all.......
Blessy ans Rach....
Stars in my life....
Caroline and Laurice as well as Becky....
My sport....
My life.....
Offcopurse God is still no. 1
But I still love you allll........

Thanks Gals.........
^_^

Without you gals i dont know how i would be....
Probably a girl without sense of fashion taste......
Or no experience in chatting hehehee....
Or maybe the girl who has the worst hair style ever...i know like pontianak
heheheehe love you gals so much.,.......
Rach you and Blessy have made me feel not left out at YDm.....thanks dear..lots.
Oh and not to forget Annna
And you Ash....mish u gals so much ........
Thanks lots for the love nad the tender kindness you gals provided.....
I just wish i was the richest girl in this country that i could give you some presents for your birthday and also get a nice hot car so that i could drive you anywhere......during holidays.....or even when during church camp
.....(SIGH) man how i wish i could.....and the like go shopping and then go on holidays when the treat is on me.....i wish i wish...maybe it will come true one day ........

God if it is your will.....if you know i can handle it...if it would not put You second place if i really had the chance......please make it come true.......

Stupidity......

2008-05-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know how or why...but my school is the most terrible school ever the worst that i could ever imagine..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean to block youtube or friendster is one but to block my blog is terribly TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i know other words but right now i can't think of another word that is strong and poignant....seriously...I HATE this school so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i guess i can't see my blog or visit anybody...therefore i can't see anything......

this day.....

2008-05-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm still not convinced with the job choice I'm thinking of ....I'm not sure if being a lawyer is what I would be good at....and I'm not sure if I'm ready to go for a teacher either.......(SIGH) oh well I'll just leave it all to God and yeah what do I have to worry about........after all God is always by my side each step of the way. =)

Spilling

2008-04-30T18:31:00.000-07:00

Just felt like spilling something form my heart....today is just like any other day.
I was kinda upset over my homework that it wasn't accepted,I really miss YDM although it's just a week without it. Ummm btw last Tuesday was Carolines birthday and so yeah I wan't so WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes your 15 years now and I pray that You will encounter Him every single day of your life wether in sad or good times.!_! Hehe....I really miss you so much.

I just want to say other stuff too and it's best that it is words.....

You like I like....
You smile I blossom....
You wink I laugh......
When you're around I feel lively...
When you're gone I feel lost......
Thank You so much for giving my life some spice in it.....
Sadly you're not mine.........T_T

Ah well that doesn't mean that I should kill myself or anything but I really thank God for these problems.......because He kinda showed me that what ever I need besides God will be used by the Devil against me.HAHA!!!!!!!!!

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and then all these thigns shall be added unto You!

2008-04-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

Thinking of the past that was in my life....
Doomed,dark ,dead,
all i could see was me,
not you or them,
right after you cleansed me....
I saw what life was finally about...
And now i'm no more lonely....
Cause you are there by my side....
You not only gave me a new family...
but you changed me inside out
slowly,gradually,softly,
You touched this sad soul and turned it into sweet memories....
Day by day i used to cry...
and day by day i wondered why....
You came and told me this is why....
and made this sad soul high....
Lord you are indeed the salt in my life....
For like salt You gave me a life.....
You made me know that You're always there....
Holding my hand till the day end......

I love You Lord....
And I thank You so MUCH for every single thing you've done......

Is that how they see me?

2008-04-23T04:57:00.000-07:00

I saw my brothers friends and their first impression from their language was not the one I would like my bro to be friends with......but the Holy Spirit made me realize that I was no different from them because I'm coloured and plus financially challenged and I always look dirty and scrufy....so what's the diffrence with them and you? But you know what ? God loves you and them just the same so you shouldn't just judge people like that....I really thank the Holy Spirit for being such a teacher.....you know if you are in alot of problems and can't keep your mind clear then it will be hard to listen to Him in times of trouble...the best way is to surrender (or give it to God) all your problems and let Him set the path for you......like the scripture says that be quick to listen but slow to speak in the book of Matthew,I think....forgive me if that's wrong hehehehehe....but yeah this was todays lessons.......

Thank You Daddy.....^_^

turn bad to good.....or is it just a disguise?

2008-04-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

Now days in the world it's so hard not to say something that means a sincere good thing..what i mean is that most of the words we say is either a good word before but now has another meaning as in a euphemism of a foul word like fudge replacing one of the worst swear word in the English language. To me it all depends on the way you think,if you think it's bad then it's bad but if you just see it as a word that can mean chocolate fudge then that's better. I don't know, it's hard to say but what is important is to fill your mind with God's word....it will help cleanse the 'dirty yellow mind' you have.

Everybody had posted their experience in basketball (a.k.a bball) and so i thought maybe i should also post something about it too. well last Sunday was cool,even though we lost in the match,I did gain something from the training Kit,T,Jack,Wes,Ben, Lorene and uh..yeah i think that's all of them who taught us one week before the match took place. I really owe them alot,and I wouldn't know what true basketball is all about without these people so THANKS GUYS!!!!!!! ^_^ Yes, I know that I very blurr and I tend to shut down from reality most of the time and I'm sorry about that okay? I just don't know how to stop it.Anyways bball was really fun .......... and tough........
I wanted to put in some yummy looking fudge cake but i think our school has blocked it too...somehow it doesn't want to paste or copt....oh well later maybe.

Today

2008-04-14T23:17:00.001-07:00

Today was a kinda normal day...just that my dad forgot to pick me up from school at 12...it's ok...i was angry at first but then what to do...I then decided to post in school and go home at 3pm instead,kinda boing today...History is gaining up fast and I need to catch up FAst!!!!! and Sociology is kinda ok la but not that fun as i expected it to be....(sigh) had a very weird dream last night.......about Rachel and something...ah just forget it la....heheheheh........

Fatin and Wani...

2008-04-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

My two good friends that has been with me...plus Baz and many others they make school feel better......her's their pic.......hahahahha starting Kendo club this afternoon at 3pm

Blessings.....

2008-04-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

Each and everyone of us has been given blessings in one or another way. For me I'm blessed with clothes. I just realized that the clothes I have was mostly given by my friends of which they probably would not want to be exposed. But you know who you are right....? I really thank God for them and their kind heart, the reason why I'm typing this down is because I received some unpleasent news.But what I find on the good side was that what I have is not from me but from my friends (offcourse God's the one planning everything). I just want to thank God so much SO MUCH !!!!!!

Just wish I didn't lose what I had............everything would be fine.......T_T

Emotions

2008-04-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

I just read this book and is still reading it,it's about how to control our emotions.....
I hate myself for being emotional sometimes...it hurts me and also the people around me...
I just pray that god will help me change myself and learn to become a better Christian to show a better example to the world.

OUCH!!!!

2008-04-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

Reached school today and then closed the door of the car shut and thight,ironically I felt a slight no not slight but alot of pain on my pinky...after a few seconds of blurness I realized that my pinky was stuck in between the door of the car and the car body....you know right the tiny space ,that little line between the door and the car? Yeap that is where is got jammed up.Luckily my brain was working quite fast that I had just the right amount of time to open the door to release my little pinky before the car started moving off to work. Aware of the pain,I just let it down and didn't want to look at it for fear that the bone was you know broken or something. But after the next three seconds I saw a pint of blood on the floor, only then i knew that my pinky was bleeding and the nail was not perfectly ok, it was not whole but it was still intact.It's just that the nail kinda got a little cut which offcourse was the cause of blood flowing out. Another thing was my pinky was and is still swollen to twice the size of my other normal un harmed pinky. Now I have to worry about the blood clot other than my nail which is not whole anymore. The funny thing was that one of the guy in my school saw the blood and his expression was nervous...I guess the blood drops on the ground looked to scary for him.....I just thank God that it's just my right hand and not my left.

Another day at school.....

2008-03-31T23:28:00.000-07:00

So annoying..there were these boys coming into the comp lab...then they started saying foul words.....hah....and then from what I heard though,they were watching porns in the lab itself...I'm not sure if it's true but it seems that they are the kind who would do such things.....but a part of them does remind me of my classmate though (not the porny part)...I miss him hehehe He is a really good friend,and now he is in the Phillipines.....

Oh yeah..umm Rachel posted about me and Blessy...I felt so touched and to show that I really thank God for their friendship.....I'm gonna post something about them toooo..

Dear Rachel and Blessy,

I really thank God for you two...it's you people that keep me from feeling all alone at times when I'm emo....you know I'm really thankful that you and Blessy are really close friends now...come to think of it...before you guys were'nt that close(you know wat I mean right?hehehe) .Oh and I will never forget the memories we endured together......

Rachel is my sweet sister and so is Blessy..they are the ones who really know me from the inside at church and when I'm at home....they make me feel like I'm not the only one who has problems and they are not shy to just tell wat they feel ......I really am happy that I got friends like them......I just pray that on the day that the three of us depart...we will somehow meet again after 20 years I guess???? Oh the well...(hehehe Blessy always says that) I'll just leave it all to God......

Don't worry Yeo and Wani...I've never forgotten you guys......I really thank God that there are still people in the world like you all who still appreciates the true meaning of friendship......it's people like you (RACHEL,BLESSY,WANI,YEO) who helps me be me no matter how I look like or behave like....from loud annoying laughter too simply silly jokes....you guys make my life much more sweeter.....Ummm but that offcourse does not mean that God does not make my life any sweeter...He is the source of all sweetness....and it was His will that I got such nice and wonderful friends like you all...........

MISSING YOU ALL ALREADY!!!!!!! T_T

LOve
SHELLL (yeah the sea shell not the sheiela or SHE-LA or she^iela .......heheheheehe..haiya....wakau eh!!!!! PsssTTT!!!!! hehehehe I still love the way each and every one of you talk........hehehehehehehee )

Is it intuition?

2008-03-31T22:12:00.000-07:00

Since childhood I've been brain fed that men are MONSTERS!!!!!! They treat you like dirt and as a woman,we don't have any power to say anything...and we cannot show our anger or moodiness to men especially to men called 'husbands'...my dad always says that if I show my sour face and anger,then he will certainly run away one day to another woman.....that made me have a bad impression on men...I think I dont want to get married in the future...yes maybe one day I might fall in love and all that but I prefer to just be alone....an ANDARTU! hehe if u know wat dat means.....besides,I have a very strong feeling that I may never settle down and have a family of my own,maybe it's just me...but somehow I just know that what I feel is right..maybe because the end of the world is coming near..so by the time my Lord comes I will still be single..hehehe
And I think I'm not ready to have someone 'special' ...sheesh I'm too young hehe, I think and my behaviour plus thinking is still kiddish...so if you talk about this kinda stuff..I seriously have no idea....I think you have to explain it from a to z. PLUS MEN ARE MONSTERS!!!!!!!! They gobble you up hehehe...no lah but most men are mean and monstrous....

Today........

2008-03-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

......(sigh) woke up so late for school luckily my friend called me up.....poked my right eye right in the centre....IT HURTSSSS!!!!!! and then these days I am becoming toooooooo emoooooo .....i dont know why but I just can't help it.....I don't know why!!!!! help me!!!!!! I guess it's just those days when I feel really sad...k gtg bye!!!!!!!!!!

Youth retreat......

2008-03-30T00:46:00.000-07:00

It was so cool like this empty space......

......hehehehehe......sometimes words are just not enough to explain wat COOL is ...hehehehe enjoy the plainessss!!!!!!

Happy ever after.......

2008-03-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

Ever ever after (happily)...
Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart
It's our favorite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it to ever ever after
If we just don't get in our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away
Start a new fashion - wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's realest by making believe
Unafraid, unashamedThere is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart believe in ever after
No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted
You just might break through to ever ever afterForever could even start today
Ever ever afterMaybe it's just one wish awayYour ever ever after
Ever ever ever after(I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss)
Oh Oh OhForever ever after
Thanks to Meghan for these lyrics

Race....

2008-03-13T07:21:00.000-07:00

Booom!!!!

And that was the start of a race...

A race which could last a lifetime...

She never thought life would be so light for once.....

So she decided to take a step of faith to run for Him....

she ran and she ran...

she never thought she could go that far and so she continued to run....

running and running,she began to feel tired....

she saw some trees which had apples growing near a field....

she felt thirsty and then wanted to quench her thirst but wait....

if she stop, she would be disqualified...

and also..she was told not to eat or drink anything from the field which was the trees that had apples......

she began to think that maybe she could sneak in for awhile and just grab one to just fill her for awhile....

but when she wanted to do that.....

she saw a man...he was one of the spectators....

so she decided that she should just forget about it and continue running....

she ran and she ran and somehow got a spark to run faster....

but at the middle of the race she saw a man selling some drinks...

she thought maybe she could just grab a bottle and drink when they are not watching...

but the man had a son who was part of the spectator.....and yes u guessed it right she decided not to do that...

after running a few miles.....she felt that she has lost all her sense of desire to run

she felt that maybe all that she had ran for was useless and can only be done by real athletes....

she also focussed on her muscles which were so painful...and her dry lips made her want to cry for water.....

she also noticed that the guy next to her who was also running the race was spitting out words which discouraged her.....

deep inside she cried for help...she asked Him why all this pain and discouragement......and she shed tears of weariness......

in those seconds of her pain and suffering...she began to hear a little voice ...more like the wind...it whispered and told her to just let go and surrender it all to Him....and she did.....

that very moment...she lifted her life to God...... she ran, but in a tired state.....after running for 95 years...she saw the finish line and although exhausted...she took a sprint and got first in the longest most painful race of alll....

the reward she got?????

eternal life and a perfect home called the Kingdom of heaven....

Sometimes in life we get tired..we decide to run the race for Him and get tired..honestly I always get tired and and even stop...I commit sins which I cannot forgive myself ....but in those times when I felt really down and low was the times I learnt lessons in life the most....so don't give up and keep running for Him...I'm still running and I can't wait to see the finish line when I'm 90++++ hehehehehe.......

LIFE

2008-03-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

Life.........
Easy to say......
But hard to endure......

Funny isn't it? We see life in a very different way...each of us are all different but yet somehow the same.....it's funny how life can look so easy but yet so hard to stand on you own two feet when troubles and obstacle comes in your way.....

These days I feel like want to post something but to lazy to type in and squeeze my brains to find proper words so I seperated them into three post. I prefer to use short words to express what I want to say.

P.S the words you read are not always what you think....it's a pun.....

Says IT

2008-03-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes...friendly and easy to approach
Other times.......hard to say
Today,happy....the next moody
Today sad....the next joyful
Someone is alone says it....should I say hello?
Are you ok? pops out...but yet to random to say
Someone needs Him says it......but what am I to do?
Someone is crying inside says it....but yet what can I do?
I ask....I seek .....I pray.....only God can make a way.......

KL

2008-03-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

Friends...
Once was here now is gone....
Feelings? Missing.......
Hurt? to much too say...
Angry? Speechless......
Dissapointed? long story.......

(Sigh) I miss you Yeo Siew Cheng.... T_T

My friend finally realized.........

2008-02-14T23:37:00.000-08:00

After soo long she thought she knew him...she remembered those days when he used to bully her and the days when he was so kind to her. She told me that she fell for him because of his friendliness and kindness....(shessh man this girl!!!!) She said she saw his heart and not his outward appearance and that she actually disliked him for his looks..but it was because he was so kind to her that touched her heart and realize that he is a guy to like...
unfortunetly now she is telling me that she realize too that he has changed alot and has somehow became much more mean and kinda like a grinch......GREEN MEAN FIGHTING MACHINE....hehehe..
Anyways thats what she told me so yeah hope that jerk will read this and realize!!!!!!! His stupidity.Ah I don't know why I'm doing this.

Suddenly.....I see

2008-02-06T05:21:00.000-08:00

How funny it can be....how playing DDR can make you realize something that you thought you never would have seen before. Well you know the song right? Well I kinda love it now because these days I've been wondering who and where I want to go or be. It pulled me down into the darkness of my life. It was so important to me that just thinking about it makes me so worried that I just want to cry.(I know so sheesh Sheiela,is that all you know ? Cry when trouble strikes you?)
Haha believe or not I prefer to just let it out then to let it just boil over and create an eruption in your heart.

Anyways yeah today was a bit of bitter because of school. Funny how I love it and hate it equally
money, future and life. These are the things that keep me awake most nights
These are the topics which I talk to and cry out to God at night. You think you sleep late?
Heh....